glad to hear your "voice". somehow it does seem to help to thnk i'm not the only "nut" out there doing this - feeling this (& being this - ) i can't even guess whether i'm incredibly strong - or incredibly weak, and so on. name your virtue/vice. could go either way. what? me spinning today in confusion? as usual - looking forward to day when it's done and buried - good or bad - and i KNOW one thing for sure about my life with or without h.
i can finish this one more day without blowing up- tomorrow i can always walk if i need to - rite???? i sure have developed a "one day at a time" attitude and can endure stuff i'd never ever have thought i could. soooo - i guess there's that. I can also not "bite" usuually and take the bait - ending in a fight with this guy. .
how in the world could we ever explain why we do it? what moves us to stick with it? i don't know- words seem inadequate.
i hope you are justified in all your hard work & pain. i hope for me too. this morning- i feel my h is perfectly pleasant but detached and has no place for me in his selfish (greedy) little heart & life. 75% of him is 18 yrs old. (no extra charge for the harsh judgement). i have defended him too long - to the world &myself- hence my feelings that i may be totally on the wrong trail here.
only time will tell i guess - i never can figure if i am glad i picked up that darn book - or sorry as heck. if i'm being the bigger person - or the bigger fool-
just patience and time will give that answer. oh ick- can't believe this is me here saying this junk -
i always thought i could be tough as nails if forced to- i guess that's the problem now that i say it out loud. "if forced to". he's not forcing me - and i'm finding it impossible to force myself. oh well-
one more day- we can do this i thnk- nice to meet you- i'll try and find your thread and read it-
