we own a biz - pt 5

[adinva]

WFM, you are right. Noticing, acknowledging, and verbalizing what you are trying to change is a step in the right direction, but it does not equal accomplished change. Keep noticing, acknowledging, verbalizing, but try to do it as trends, not in-the-moment play by plays. Here is a challenge for you. Go from now until five days from now, rereading DB, practicing detachment, biting your tongue if necessary to keep from reacting and/or getting dragged into a negative interaction, never acting other than professional coworker with him, and in some free time definitely reading codependent no more and underlining anything that resonates with you, anything you see yourself in. Keep mental notes or a little notebook in which you bulletpoint things that went well and things that didn't in your actions, not in H's. Not a cup of coffee he bought, but a testy phrase from him that you recognized in the moment and chose not to take the bait. Where did you slip up and why, and where did you do well and why. In five days, come back and write down the trends, not the play by plays: for example, three times I noticed H make a testy remark and I ignored it, sixteen times I asked him are you mad - oops- and I noticed it sounded unprofessional so the 17th time I let him just experience his own feelings while I went along on my own way, one time I had an opportunity to ask him about our R and I didn't.

Can you do that?

On a separate note, you said:

how will my h ever experience life without me, when I am right here. How can the "heart grow fonder" theory work, when I can't be "absent"?

A question back at you. You still work with him, what are YOU missing?

Now, keep working the program! Find yourself and heal yourself. Take care,
adinva