Thanks 2.4, what if he wants to discuss dividing up marital property and what to do with the house? Should I let him know to have his lawyer draw it up and send it to me so I can have my L review?
That's one way to go. If it's already clear what the choices are (i.e. neither can afford the house alone, so it must be sold), then I'd probably lean that way.
That said, at this point, I'd probably steer clear from all of that discussion. It's early, the wound is fresh, and you still have a lot of work on you to be done.
This is way early in the game to be seeing who gets what. My W filed in July 12 and neither of us has even provided the other with our "wants" at this point. Lots of time.
Agree with 2.4, make him to the work....don't help, but don't be rude about it either.
Thanks Breakdown, he keeps bringing it up, that's why I was asking. I know it's very early but I just told him that I am not emotionally able to discuss it yet as it's so new. I'll take your advice.
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
Shiss, in the first few weeks my W kept asking about when we were going to look at paperwork, talking about D every time i looked happy, Etc.
Don't get me wrong she still does talk about D and all that. Just not as often. It's almost as if its something they need to hear themselves say to you because they don't believe you have heard it.
Just keep calm when it's mentioned, try not to show emotion, but at the same time don't get into too much detail as Breakdown suggests. My guess he will start to cool down on that topic a little after a few weeks. Just make sure he knows you hear his request and understand it.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Also if it makes you feel any better I am not too far ahead of you time wise with all of this, I am not doing great with DB, but I do now feel I am starting to understand how to handle things even if I don't ways get them right! You will be in a better place very soon!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Thanks. I'm not doing great with DB either, but that's MY choice. I choose to sit at home and stare at the walls and not get out and GAL. I choose to think about what if and what is H doing...I gotta GAL for myself.
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
Any ideas on what you might do? List them here if you want.
For instance right now I am in a coffee shop reading a book. Not groundbreaking or exciting. But there are people around me chatting, I am not looking at things in the house that remind me of W, and best of all the coffee is nice!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Just curious- why do you both have lawyers already?
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Hi Positive, I consulted with one after my H said he talked to one. I did it to get some information on what to do if I get served, etc because I'm young and none of my friends are divorced so I'm a fish out of water right now. Who knows if he really did consult with a lawyer, that's just what he told me and that's what he also told my dad. I have no intention on consulting with him again unless I do get served.
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
That's fair enough. The first thing anybody outside of the world of DB says is go see a lawyer for a free consultation. I have not yet but will do soon. I think it takes some of the unknown away. It's hard enough understanding what's going on without worrying about your S being more advised than you. As long as you have found out what you need and put that to one side, I think it's a good thing.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Glad you saw lawyer to find out all rights. Knowledge is power...always.
I've seen one twice, just to understand the D laws in my province. Hiding your head won't make anything go away. You have to consider that things could go sideways and you should have an idea of the options open to you.
If H wants to bring up house again, let him talk. Say "how do you see this being divided/?" Sometimes they want to be sure that you know they are still on this path, just in case you may have forgotten...possibly.... :P
Just as you want to be taken seriously in your feelings that you want to save marriage, he wants to be taken seriously as well in his feelings.
