This is hard. So, so hard. I don't want to detach. I don't want to break away. I don't want to be without H. I don't know how to handle all of this anymore. My mind is racing & I can't make it stop.
No more texts or questions from H regarding pregnancy. That's good. I guess he realized I wasn't going to answer him. I'm glad I don't have to deal with those right now.
I'm going to try to find another IC to talk to like suggested, although I wouldn't be uncomfortable speaking to my current one & feel like he would not push me one way or the other. His beliefs aren't typical when concerning the religious aspect.
H asked me on the way out the door this morning about his cousin's kid's bday party tomorrow & what time we needed to be there. I don't know if I want to go? We've been acting as if nothing is wrong around everyone since BD in Dec. I'm tired of it. In the beginning we agreed that we didn't really want anyone to know until we actually separated or got divorced so we wouldn't have to hear all the advice & opinions from everybody. Very, very few people know what is going on & nobody knows I'm pg.
I know I just said I don't want to detach or break away, but I also have this urge to just tell him to get out & leave. If he was to leave though I know that would be it, he would never come back. I don't want that either. I've got to get it together. I also really, really want to send that email I posted yesterday. I just want him to talk to me.
The day has barely got going & I'm already a huge mess.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
