Slowing to a Crawl

[mizjjd]

Portia,

Thank you for sharing that passage.I found my H in there too.

I think what you're saying - if I heard you correctly - is its the apparent "core" changes that are the hardest to deal with.

I get that. Its my H telling me he never loved me, more than the idea that he's not in love with me right now. I mean, its one thing to take the future I thought I "had", but MLC even tries to take my past.

And then to top it off, to have no empathy for how H's sentiments affect me. My H too has hinted that he hopes there would be a friendship for us "after".

I didn't play or pretend. I told him absolutely not. Unequivocally no. Said I would be civil if/when we met at the children's events but that other than that I would want nothing to do with him.

H was shocked. And when he asked why, I told him that my friends don't cheat, lie and treat me the way he has. Why, I asked, would I want to have him as a friend? - he had no answer for that.

I know you worry about your XSO. That's a hard part of the "letting go"

So glad to hear you are making Portia-plans!

Have a great weekend!

PS Kirsty Maccoll is one of my favorite singers, have you heard "Wrong Again" by her?

I feel empty, I feel deceived
You shouldn't have done that to me
I was fine till you came along
I'd grown used to being alone
But you made love to me and then
I hoped it might happen again
And now you tell me you love someone else
And that life's too complicated
And you throw me a cliché like "we'll still be friends"
Well mister, you're wrong again

Cause my friends are people who love me
Not like you, not like you
And they try to take good care of me
They wouldn't hurt me like you do
Will I ever get smart, once again I'm the fool
To let you be so unnecessarily cruel

And now you tell me you love someone else
I was just light entertainment
Did you think you would cause me no pain?
Wrong again, wrong again

I thought my karma might protect me
From any harm you might subject me to
That my heart could be ruled by my brain
Wrong again
So you took a little piece of me
Laid me open for the world to see
But if I meant so little to you
Why couldn't you just leave me be?
It wouldn't have made so much difference to you
But it meant the whole world to me

And now you tell me you love someone else
You were thinking of her all along
So you thought my intentions were roughly the same
Wrong again, wrong again

I might not have minded if I'd been prepared
I wouldn't have felt such rejection
But your heart's not as free as you promised me
And you've realized on closer inspection

So now you tell me you love someone else
You were thinking of her all along
You assumed that I knew all the rules of the game
Wrong again, wrong again