Time to roll up the sleeves

[mrtwopointfour]

Thanks Reb. I have discussed in a very gentle way, and expressed that I would like to have been there. Didn't prompt and invite but at least now she knows I still have an interest in her family and being part of family events.

[Grizz]

2.4, the balancing act is awful. I am dealing with the exact same feelings. I feel like I am trying to balance on a tight rope while holding a ball on my nose and spinning plates all at the same time. Over the past week my W has been both very friendly, then very distant and back again for no real apparent reason. Just try to stay the course. I KNOW, it's hard to do.

[mrtwopointfour]

It certainly is, and there is a fine line between walking on eggshells and finding a good balance.

[mrtwopointfour]

I threw caution to the wind earlier and paid a compliment to my W's looks. She did not respond as usual, which is a stroppy 'I don't want to hear it'. But said something like 'ok' and then looked away. Not reading anything into this, and not sure I will repeat this very often, but quite glad i gave it a go.

[adinva]

Do you ever think of compliments about something deeper about her than her looks? just askin'...

[mrtwopointfour]

Do you ever think of compliments about something deeper about her than her looks? just askin'...

Good question and yes I am trying very much to. I make compliments about her new clothes (rarely noticed or did this before), about her skills when talking about new careers, and her personality, also when appropriate about how good a mom she is.

I am reading 5ll again so will get better at this I am sure!

[mrtwopointfour]

Well today folks - it seems I have the ability to irritate the wife in the manner that I did before BD. Not sure why, not sure what I am doing that is different. But lesson of the day - learn to STFU. The W is doing things while I talk, not looking up, not responding other than nods or shakes of head - almost like a grumpy teenager.

So new 180 - Don't create issues out of nothing or anticipate future issues. I've always been one to worry about things that might happen and try and think ahead to avoid these things. Seems that has become sticking point in our M.

Relax, stop talking, don't walk on egg shells when trying to talk to wife about things that could be an issue. I need to be assertive and say what I think needs to be done.

[makingmagic]

me too 2.4. Tx for pointing out your scenario, I need to STFU too. I too "think" too much and try to "avoid"... although, my mouth gets ahead of my thoughts often.

Let me know how you avoid it next time?

Tx for sharing.

[reb9597]

I make compliments about her new clothes (rarely noticed or did this before), about her skills when talking about new careers, and her personality, also when appropriate about how good a mom she is.

My DB coach explained that men like to be thanked/appreciated where women like to be cared for. In complimenting about her appearance or skills, can you do it while showing concern/care? 'You're such a hard worker and I worry you're going to wear yourself out!' 'Let me get that for you, you look so nice I don't want your outfit messed up' - whatever, it's the complimenting w/ the added twist of showing care (for women).

I was stuck in a 'thank you' 'thank you' rut. For men, she says I need to show appreciation while praising/stroking ego. 'Thank so much for helping, I never could have got that done without you!' (okay barf...) It's going to take some practice.

[mrtwopointfour]

I make compliments about her new clothes (rarely noticed or did this before), about her skills when talking about new careers, and her personality, also when appropriate about how good a mom she is.

My DB coach explained that men like to be thanked/appreciated where women like to be cared for. In complimenting about her appearance or skills, can you do it while showing concern/care? 'You're such a hard worker and I worry you're going to wear yourself out!' 'Let me get that for you, you look so nice I don't want your outfit messed up' - whatever, it's the complimenting w/ the added twist of showing care (for women).
L

I was stuck in a 'thank you' 'thank you' rut. For men, she says I need to show appreciation while praising/stroking ego. 'Thank so much for helping, I never could have got that done without you!' (okay barf...) It's going to take some practice.

This makes a lot of sense and I guess it goes back to the 5ll. Personally from W I would prefer a thank you, and a stroke or kiss, and I will be honest would hope for much more physical contact, which in my mind became part of the problem. I would be doing things for this very reason. my W LL are not the same, I realise that now. Affection, appreciation, caring words and acts of service are hers. Yes some cross over but physical touch for me an W are seen differently. Issue I have is most of my W LL's are not easy to show to her as she has put up emotional and physical barriers.