After phone coaching session #2

[azguy]

"Opinion - Does H owe me that? "

I think it's self-defeating to think of it this way. You're inviting him to share. He may not for any number of reasons. If he doesn't respond to your invitation tomorrow, do you think it might still soften him toward reconsidering? I would.

"I'm pretty sure that H's frame of mind is that it doesn't matter, not worth it, he left therefore we just need to figure out what the next step is."

You're trying to mind read. He may not respond immediately for no good reason (may be feeling quiet that day). If you can, I'd encourage you to have patience with a poor response or nonresponse for some time. You could really torpedo the whole approach by reacting badly if he does not respond as you had hoped. That was me in my M over and over. Offer. Listen. Wait. Minimize your expectations.

"But can I request it based on our long marriage? "

I don't think this will get the response you're hoping for. We do things out of loyalty and love, not guilt. Think how you felt when your MIL tried the obligation tack on you and your D.

Good luck! I have very similar advice from my DB coach and have been trying to follow it. At times it feels an unfair burden on me, but then I'm the one insisting I want this M to work, why shouldn't I do everything I can?