My WAW - coming to terms with it all!

[WAW_SC]

Yesterday I joined a gym. I know I know, its not that amazing but the affect that its had on my mental state has been pretty awesome.
Im not a very big guy…pretty lean due to the cycling swimming and running that I do. Whilst I am fit, it has always bothered me that I am leaner/skinnier than most guys. I guess you could say that I have had a complex about it and it has played on my self esteem. The funny thing is that my W probably never really cared too much about but it was probably my complex about it that was unattractive.

Yesterday I decided that I didn’t want to feel that way about myself anymore and there was something I could do about, that I needed to accept that I would like to be a little more solid. And I am not doing this to impress my W, I am doing it to be happy about myself.

So I joined up to the gym, told the trainers there I wanted to bulk up a little, not a lot as I still wanted to be quite active and they are writing me up a program. I woke up this morning feeling really good, recognising that this was a decision that I made to help me feel better about myself, not to impress anyone. A real change FOR ME.

This morning I met up with W at our sons school as his class was doing the assembly. It was a very friendly meet up and she was in a great mood…and so was I.
It was so easy…just chatting, watching our son up on stage. We were sitting quite close to each other ( I could smell her perfume and I made sure I had my best cologne on too ;-) and there was some good eye contact.

I feel like I am at the start of GAL…for real this time….for myself.
I know there are no guarantees in any of this re: M but I also know that I am on the way to having a better self esteem and feeling better about the decisions I am making. If I can keep this going then I am already winning.

This truly is a rollercoaster, but today I am going to coast on these good vibes and enjoy it.