we own a biz - pt 5

[makingmagic]

ok... thanks, didn't know that. MrBond, did you want me to read the chapters in DR about sex (ch 15) and depression (ch 13)? or are there things in there that are useful tools too. I think you will be happy to know that the library wants its book back, but I have decided to BUY IT! It is a tool I will forever need, and I really enjoy the story of Carol and Dean.

Another thing I have learned is that guilting, begging, pleading my h to come back, will not benefit me or our future rel'p. I do not feel the need to temp check or to R talk anymore. The next hurdle for me is to stop asking questions!! I now realize that HE has to WANT to come back because HE wants to come back. I realize the best thing I can do, is to let him go (and I have, way more than what I ever thought I could)...if thats what he really wants. I want him to work towards me so that I can be valued in our new rel'p. So, in turn will keep a distance so that he feels a need to reach forward...correct?

As he had months to prepare for our split, I am still devastated but am working the best I can. I know I am obsessed with losing it/him...and now me in the process. I am struggling to get me back. In discussion with my D tonight, she pointed out that I haven't even been helpful to my parents (living with them). I realize this and so tonight I did the dishes (small start), but thats how lost and hyper-focused I have been. Maybe, if I "fake" having a normal life back, I will gain some insight on how to live a normal one again. This separation is such a blow to me on every level. It's like learning to walk for the first time.

I hope people can be patient with me.

Tx to anyone who read.