I called or spoke with 5 lawyers to know where I stood. I mapped out my finances and a new life for me and my kids on a spreadsheet. I had my exit plan/strategy in place. It helped
GTO, First I want to say I do admire you and think you are an amazingly strong person. My heart goes out to you. I have a question and that is all it is, nothing more. You have said that a PA crosses your line and since you have stuck this out with EA, I assume EA does not cross your line. I am not saying either are ok, as they are so wrong in my book. My question is why does a PA cross and EA not for you? For me my W had or is still having an EA and for me that burns much deeper than a PA would. PA and EA together I guess is the worst possible, but for me an EA is so much more meaningful and hurtful, for me.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
GTO, you're doing the right thing by consulting L's. Explore L's who do collaborative D. I think it's the best option if you have to get to that point. Interview at least 3-4 L's. The first meeting will be hard, but then it'll become easier. ((((((((()))))))))))
I am hijacking here JP and Turtle...all I can say is there are different lines for everyone. PA is not a boundary, but moving in with the GF would be. Weird, I know, but maybe because H and I are still good friends, that I would have to let go of married....
PoN & Tori- I made my first apptmt w a lawyer for 2 weeks from now for a consultation. And, I talked to a close former-co-worker/friend tonight & she gave me a name to call (of a L she used and really thought highly of). So, the ball is rolling...
jp, I really don't know exactly why I am so sure that a PA would be the last straw for me, as I agree the EA is so damaging in itself. I suppose if the PA happened first then maybe I wouldn't be saying the same thing.
I guess I've heard that if a man is already "in love" with a woman than the physical aspect of the R can really just "seal the deal" for them, as men tend to connect intimacy more with physicality and women tend to connect intimacy more with emotionality. I appreciate a guy's POV, jp.
This may or may not be true, but one of my H's LL is Physical, so... (And, he was always one to try to connect w me by being physical.)
Plus, my H (for whatever high more reason (LOL)) said he would "live as a M man," when he moved into his own aptmt. I think he intends to keep his R w OW an EA until he asks for a D (I know, this is mind-reading, but I think I'm pretty spot on with this).
When he first mentioned OW in BD he & I both spoke about if this becomes physical then our M would be over. We haven't spoken about it since, but I don't think either one of us has forgotten this.
Who knows, for all I know maybe it is already a PA and I've been a fool for months! (Again, I don't think so).
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
It's really interesting how everyone has different levels that they could rebuild from. GTO, maybe in a way it's good you've never talked about how far H's gone with ow. That way your legal decisions won't be as clouded with as much emotion. Who knows. For me, an EA would be the end of it. My H cheated on me but his gf, as I like to call her, is nothing more than an easy lay. If he fell in love with someone else I'd walk away. But the physical part of just sex I would like to think I could move on from. Don't know if I'll ever get the chance to try but I'd face the challenge and give it a go.
Good for you Reb. This is where I am. H says it's serious, blah blah. But I am standing until the day comes when I won't....can't give the day, hopefully I will recognize it, truly recognize it, unclouded by emotion or regret.
Hi Turtle I think its good you are seeing advice and protection with L. As we all know, we have no idea where this will all lead us, but we do know, as Cadet says, knowledge is power. Getting informed is a huge step in taking care of YOU.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I guess I've heard that if a man is already "in love" with a woman than the physical aspect of the R can really just "seal the deal" for them, as men tend to connect intimacy more with physicality and women tend to connect intimacy more with emotionality. I appreciate a guy's POV, jp.
Thank you and that makes sense. My concern is normally women are more drawn to emotional, thus EA for me...
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Re: your post, my H and I had the same conversation when the EA came out. I think I told you the story. I told him our M would be over if he had a PA, and he swore he would tell me if that ever happened, and that having a PA "wasn't him." Well, he did it and didn't tell me anything. Everyone is different, so who knows. You know your H better than anyone, but be cautious.
