Agree. with JP. Also with H, all you can do is say very calmly, if he brings it up again, "I am not seeing anyone. I am not interested in anyone at this time. " He most likely still won't believe you, but give him some time to process and don't let him doubt your veracity by fibbing about anything!!
Also, a friend of mine made a comment on FB and said when are we getting together? H took that as someone I may have dated. I explained that this friend was engaged etc. and that since I had already told him a couple days previous in a convo that I was not ready yet and had not dated anyone, I would not lie to him. But boy, he was digging without actually coming out and saying. (and he got real quiet for a bit lol)
This is a roller coaster and your car is going fast. BREATHE
YOU CANT CONTROL HIS ACTIONS
YOU ARE NOT A MIND READER
All you can do is help you. I have read your entire thread and I have to ask what others have been asking and you havent responded. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO CHANGE YOUR OLD SELF?
Its been a few weeks......If he comes back in two hours and snaps his fingers and tells you he is back WHAT HAS CHANGED ABOUT YOU???
What is going to change so that this doesnt happen in two years or two years after you have a child- What is different???
If he is emotional right now because of the roses back off and realize he is pissed and the words that he types or spews from his lips will be anger filled- DONT YOU LOOSE IT!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I defended myself and our vows that I was not dating or seeing anyone but he doesn't believe me. Just anger and hurtful words. I'm not lying and told him that they were sent to my office, I can't help who sends crap to me and he's making me out to be the bad guy. WTH..,,
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
I'm in counseling, I'm dealing with my anxiety, I am doing my best as this is what drove H away. I did not fight with him about this I explained why they were sent, and defended my vows and told him I would not argue with him anymore and ended the conversation. I am working on myself and doing the hard work with or without him to make MY life better for ME.
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
Shiss, would you rather he didn't care?? Think about it!! If he had no reaction at all and acknowledged your flowers and said 'that's really nice' - then you'd be here posting how much his rejection hurt.
He cares and is hurt. The flowers were tactless. Their delivery from a male coworker (I probably would've lied about that one...) at the very least suggests that you're crying on another man's shoulder and he felt enough sympathy to send you flowers. And I don't doubt your intentions and am sure it was innocent! But crying about your marriage to anyone OUTSIDE your marriage is going to be risky (except when it comes to posting anonymously here) .
Just back off and give it space. Don't push, don't make any decisions. Leave it be and let the dust settle. Then you really need to think about how you're living your daily life without H and if your actions are promoting a future with him or working against it.
And maybe you're confused. I got married very young too and for the first 4 months of my separation I thought I didn't want my H anymore. But after this much time I can look back and see that I was reacting to his rejection with my own rejection.
Just live in your own skin, be intentional in your actions and see how things go. It helps me to imagine this person I want to be (okay, I'm a nerd - I think of Melanie in Gone w/ the Wind, she was so self-sacrificing and thought the best of ppl) and try to think if my actions are in line with what that person would do. (Would Melanie accept flowers from someone other than Ashley Wilkes? Sorry, cracking myself up here!!) Think of your best self, then live it!
H has always told me that I am very loyal and faithful this was during our marriage. Now this? I don't think I see him getting past this unless he hasn't cooled off yet.
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I texted him a picture of the flowers in the trash and said this is where I stand I only want you. Good or bad I don't know I just thought it was the right thing to do. Thanks to all of you for reaching out to me.
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
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