Should I ask her to leave

[Some Day]

She won't give you a fair shot until she breaks with OM and the fog lifts. Continue to work on you and focus on the kids. Show her through your words and actions how great you are. She'll likely won't be receptive to it, but it'll tug at her at those times when the fog temporarily lifts.

I agree that asking her to leave will probably backfire, at least in the short term. It'll send her into the arms of the OM. You risk that she may not come back. That's why that's a last resort technique along with no contact. However, if you have been making genuine changes for a long time with no difference in her attitude towards you and you are at a point where your health is quicklly deterioriting, asking her to leave might be the option. You have to be REALLY ready and willing to let her go though, if you go that route.

My husband took the initiative of moving out and going to live with OW. However, having very limited contact with me is what finally snapped my husband out of his affair and made him recommit to our marriage. This was especially true when my H saw that I was moving on without him. He was comfortable before, knowing that he could fool around with the OW and if it didn't work out he could always come back to me. When he saw that I was moving on, he realized he was going to lose me. He finally made a choice and broke off the affiar for good.

Good luck. If you can invest in a DB coach for phone counseling, do so. I did. It was very helpful.