LRT - Dealing with WAW Affair

[RealityTrip]

First post. Shorter right? Same Sex Marriage (both F) My life has become unraveled after disovering, in trickle effect over time, that my WAW was in a 2yr PA with a long-term friendship. (friends for 15yrs also F) Gut wrenching when I look back as we let AP stay with us off and on while she left her LT relationship and then I realize, the affair was not only my friend but happening in my home. WAW had helped the AP get a job, they began to travel together for work all over the country. "It just happened." I made all the mistakes. ALL THE MISTAKES! Beg, plead, reason, cry, yell, cuss, pray, give books, email articles, love letters, spy, bust, spy, bust... for months. Started IC last summer, WAW did also, 4 weeks later. She was diagnosed clinically depressed and medicated. Won't go to therapist anymore but still sees Psych and takes meds.

She initiated separation to "find herself" two months ago. I have discovered multiple times she has seen AP. And likewise AP has discovered times she has seen me. I have been serving her giant slices of cake.

No More. Last week was our anniversary. She sent me flowers I sent her flowers. At the end of the night I told her I did not want to lose our marriage but I could no longer participate in a marriage of three. I asked her not to call or text... that I would not respond. She can email me concerning finances and that's it. She texted the next day, 3x, I ignored. 2 days later she texted to say she couldn't believe I didn't respond but at least she knew I was alive by checking my cell phone records. Funny. That's how I used to spend so much of my time... spying on her cell phone.

It's taking everything I've got to LRT. It is so unatural for me. I am a "fixer". I am so tired and so sad and just so-so.

I could use encouragement, advice, and help staying the course. I have been forcing myself to GAL even when I don't feel like it... and I never feel like it.