^^^AGREE. WFM, everyone is telling you to stop focusing on your H. STOP.
Have you looked into counseling for yourself? I know you have mentioned you take some meds, so am assuming they were prescribed by a psych? I've asked you about counseling in the past but you never responded. For your sake, I think it might be something you should investigate. Judging by all of your posts over the course of your time here, I strongly urge you to work with someone. Reading the books alone seems to be difficult for you and I think you would do well having someone personally help you interpret what you read.
