[in_it]

Ok, here's the email I'd like to send to H & know that I probably should not.
Advice & feedback welcome.

H,
It's hard. What I'm going through right now I would wish on nobody.
I want you to understand my feelings. I want you to know that I did not quit taking birth control, this was not some big plan, ploy, or scheme. It hurts for you to call me a scheming piece of sh...

I'm sad. I'm hurt. I'm uneasy & unsure. I'm broken. I'm at a loss. I'm torn. I'm wondering why & how come? A child should be an exciting time for the to be parents & all I can do is be mad & upset.

I've been praying & seeking out God to help me & speak to me. I went to counseling yesterday & all I could do is cry. I couldn't bring myself to tell him what was wrong or what I'm going through. He just let me sob & told me that he would be here whenever I was ready to talk. At the end of the session we prayed together & he asked God to reach out & touch me & help guide me through this difficult time.

I've told you & agreed with you from the beginning-I don't want the girls to be your sole reason for choosing or not choosing me. I don't want this pregnancy to be either. It hurts me to think that because of this you have changed so quickly. I still can't believe you would think I did this on purpose. I ask for you to take some time to reflect on what is happening. Neither of us asked for this, but now it's here.

It hurts for me to hear you won't be in this baby's life. I refuse to believe that's how you really feel. You love your children. Obviously this baby wasn't conceived under any circumstance that either of us wanted.

What do you think rejecting this baby will do to you & the girls in the long run? The older they get & once they understand what their father has done, do you think that will hurt them & your relationship? I hate to think about it.

I believe everything happens for a reason & God has a plan for us. I just wish I knew what it was right now. One amazing thing that has happened to me during our situation is me actually finding God. I never had that growing up. Me finding The Lord has been a savior & will continue to get me through each day.

Right now I ask for time. Time for both of us. I think we both need a little time to overcome our emotions & deal with this while considering each other. I want to be able to talk to you. I don't want to be called a scheming pos every time it's mentioned. I want to be able to actually discuss our feelings. I want your support while going through this.