I just want him to understand, that if he is SOOO busy, I was just trying to help out.
I dont understand why he is so testy these last 24 hours...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I agree cbt... I questioned where I shouldn't have. None of my business anymore what he is sooooo busy about.
I just texted:
you said you wer so busy, and I was just trying to help. I was upbeat about selling more product today and wanted to be a good partner and keep the pace.
H immediately texted back:
Sorry just focused
I texted:
Me too. Let me help!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I'm very excited! I just received a client call from my favorite interior designer from TV, looking to book an appointment with us for purchase. .... Gosh, would love to share that with h, but wont!...he's toooooo busy!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"Gosh, would love to share that with h, but wont!...he's toooooo busy"
STOP
I think you need to purchase a STOP sign
Did you read this from MWD today:
Sometimes, when your marriage is on the rocks, you start to wonder how relationship goals that require two people's active participation apply to you. That's why I decided to write Ten Marriage Saving Strategies You Can Do Alone! for those people who don't have the luxury of their partner's support. Here are ten goals that you can accomplish yourself!
1. Envision positive outcomes There is no way that you can begin to accomplish positive change your marriage if you don't believe it is possible. Start by imagining what your life will be like when your marriage truly turns a corner. The more you can picture every detail, the easier it will be to eventually step into this picture at some later date.
2. Act as if you expect miracles to occur Once you can imagine positive outcomes, reflect on how you will be behaving differently when they happen. Then start doing that right now!
3. Be kind, even if you think your spouse doesn't deserve it You may be angry, disappointed, or even devastated by your spouse's choices and actions. However, rather than react to unsettling behavior, assume your spouse is lost and confused. Be patient, kind and steady and your efforts will pay off.
4. Focus on small, positive changes Don't expect big changes overnight or you will be disappointed and it will make it hard to stay on track. Imagine the smallest change possible that would signal a shift in how things have been going. Then focus on that.
5. Promise yourself that you will have a great future, no matter what You can not control what your spouse does, but you can control what you decide to do with yourself and your children, if you have them. Take a deep breath and envision how you are going to create a great future, regardless of your spouse's choices.
6. Exercise your worry away Take a walk, get some exercise to become more fit. Exercise can be a lifesaver. It helps to assuage worries, feel good about yourself and increase feel-good hormones like endorphins. Go for it!
7. Do one new thing you enjoy Don't become stale just because you are having a shaky time in your marriage. Novelty will stimulate your brain and maybe even your heart and help you have a more positive outlook about the future.
8. Make sure you have quality time with your children or other loved ones. Be present. Many times, when people are teetering on the brink of divorce, their pain makes them become self-absorbed and staying the moment becomes a challenging task. You will never be able to do your children's childhood again, so do your best to be with them mentally when you're with them.
9. If you get off track, get back on quickly without self-blame What separates the winners from the losers is not whether or how many times you get off track, it's how rapidly you get back on track. If you've veered from the Divorce Busting plan, hop right back on track without self-recrimination.
10. Do activities that help you rediscover serenity Meditate, pray, hike in the mountains or watch a sky full of shooting stars. On a regular basis, do whatever it takes to bring you back to yourself. You and everyone around will benefit from your peacefulness.
Thanks PON for posting that! I have copied and will read that every single day
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
this must be detachment starting... H is soooooo busy (apparantly), but since we are in the same business, what could he be sooooooo busy about that I am not in the loop. This is bothering me, not knowing...but, part of me is also saying he's doing whatever...so whatev. Let it go.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
^^^AGREE. WFM, everyone is telling you to stop focusing on your H. STOP.
Have you looked into counseling for yourself? I know you have mentioned you take some meds, so am assuming they were prescribed by a psych? I've asked you about counseling in the past but you never responded. For your sake, I think it might be something you should investigate. Judging by all of your posts over the course of your time here, I strongly urge you to work with someone. Reading the books alone seems to be difficult for you and I think you would do well having someone personally help you interpret what you read.
