Advice

[Jeack]

I think it's game over. Because a lot of our marriage issues according IC MC and even my doctor are from her issues and enmesh meant with her mom. I just worry about her. She's a good person but definitely wacked in the head. And I have to realize I can't fix her. She needs to fix herself. I'm not saying I'm a angel but she def has issues that she does not want to deal with. And just ignore.

A friend described the OM as dating down. He's in same boat tons of debt no real career.

[cbtdad]

Jim, i feel for you man. Hang in there. I know exactly how you feel. I think our wives are probably a lot a like. Even same age and all. Actually you and I are same age as well. There is no question she has to want to fix herself. Nobody can do it for her. My W said yesterday that none of the choices she's making right now are logical. She admits that, but still doesn't seem to want to do anything to take the logical steps. She even surprised me yesterday when she said she's been off her SSRi's for 5 months now. Says she still takes Xanax to go to sleep, but that's it.
Just keep workin on yourself

[Jeack]

Yeah we are in a definite similar situation. Only difference is no kids in my M. That's what prompted her to leave. When I said let's work on us before having kids. All she heard was no I don't want kids with you. We really have no contact at all. She seems happy in her lala land. This is the third time in the 5 yrs we've been together she's ran from our R. Can't figure out why I still want this to work.

I noticed on your one post that your not sure if you just want a W or her. Guess that's what I'm trying decide now as well.

But the stress definitely takes a toll on the body.

[Jeack]

June's gonna be a fun month. 4th is our anniversary 12th her birthday 18th the D can be final.

[cbtdad]

Just continue to focus on you. ACCEPT that things will never be the same even if they are with your W. It will still be about you in the end and you can come out a stronger person. I'm focusing on no matter what I say to her this is the situation we find ourselves in. I can't force to fix or work on anything. I have no right to ask her to cut off things with OM. It $ucks!!
But I know I will be a better man in the end regardless of what happens.
One of the things I have told W from the get go that has never waivered is the fact that we have a young son and all I ask for is that at some point we actually give it a real shot through MC or something else. Not just us two talking about it. I know you don't stay married just for kids, but I do believe you try everything possible. W and I both come from broken families and I want so badly to fix that for him. But once again I can't force her to give it a real shot. That's on her.
I really feel sometimes I just miss having my family together. I'm not totally sure if I actually miss her. Partly because of the person who she has become is not someone I would care to be married to. But I know who she could be and was at one point.

[cbtdad]

June will be what you make it!!!

[Jeack]

I'm honestly checked on it. she can have the other loser. It's her loss

[Jeack]

Lucky me, I get to DJ a Wedding in philadelphia today. This should be fun. It's my second since W left. But Dam there hard to do going thru this stuff. Wish me luck.