Time for the Loop the Loop on this rollercoaster!

[SM34]

Sandi you are an inspiration to all of us! I dont think you have ever written one word that I disagreed with, even with my naiive beginner knowledge of relationships.

I took the advice of many on here who saw my arrogance at its worst...they recommended I take time off the forum to contemplate who I want to be. I have been dong that, and I decided I want to be that person before BD.

That person wasnt so full of themselves. I was proud of my achievements but never in ny life have I put people down or lashed out like a rebelious teenager the way I did with people here who were only trying to help.

I regret being so confrontational with those people. I am so the opposite of that! In fact that is part of my sitch I think. I need to practice being truthful about my feelings so they dont develop into resentments.

I was rude to Mr Bond, and I lost his support. I read every single one of his posts to others.

I also read all of your posts sandi, and you are nothing short of incredible.

I aksi read the post of 25yearsmlc. Another one of the finest minds I have ever come across. But she hasnt visited my thread in a while.

Now some who have followed my posts, and may be reading this, may believe (again) that they are witnessing passive aggressive behavior. It was suggested that I seem to insult people or lash out, only to come back the next day and ask for forgiveness

However this time ir has been weeks, maybe even a month since I have really been interacting with anyone on here. I like to think I have grown and learned from that past behavior. I know I need to prove myself, and how serious I am in changing that behavior towards the folks here. So here I am! A changed man...I hope.

Sandi am going to take time to think about all you have said. I too think my wife does not care much about this guy. She is surely wishing it was much clearer to her that she wants to be with me.

My coach even said, and so did 25years (I am pretty sure it was her) that they are worried she is waiting to miraculously have these intense feelings for me, because that is not how it works.

I think my wife senses her self esteem is what is bothering her, and she is trying to work on that by herself. She probably feels thus guy is helping her regain that.

She said something to me a few days after BD that I didnt really take notice of until now. I have learned so much about human psychology and relationships that some of what she has said is taking on a new meaning.

She said, and she sounded very sincere, that she thought I would be better off without her, and that I would meet someone who would inspire me. Now i see that is a symptom of low self esteem.

She also said to one of her friends that she needs to get a job not so she can move out with OM, but so that if we work out our issues she can help me with finances. She almost seems to think she is not worthy of me in her current state. Not sure if i brought that on, but I probably played a hand in it.

Before we got engaged she had the same feelings. Her mother counselled her and they came to the conclusion that she needed a job and a career to feel good about herself. I signed for her student loan to go to the best private design school in the area, and then helped her start her own business.

Then we had a busy child, and all of that got benched, leading us to never solving her self esteem issues.

Sandi thank you for taking interest in me. Please check back soon, I need some insight as to were to go next.

MrBond if you read this, I apologize for lashing out at you. It was my fault and there were better ways to handle that. I have much to learn...

25, Talulla, AS, and everyone else who used to help me. I miss you guys!