I've been laying low with the H lately. Letting him contact me if he wants to talk. Last Friday, we had an argument and he stated that he was only going to talk to me about the kids. Today, he's been sending me texts about a variety of things. Not just stuff that revolves around the kids. I feel like this is a positive thing. I'm not taking this as a sign that he's coming home any time soon, but I'm glad that he's starting to talk about stuff other than the kids.
When I was meeting with my IC today, we discussed how I've been controlling in the M. But she also told me that just from meeting with me 3 times, that she feels I'm very demeaning. So she thinks that I need to work on my approach. That I need to think before I speak so that I can decide if what I want to say will come across the right way. Does anyone have any suggestions on a book or books I could read to help me along with this? The reason being is I can't see her again until 5/8. That feels like such a long time for me to keep myself on track without her help.
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
When I was meeting with my IC today, we discussed how I've been controlling in the M. But she also told me that just from meeting with me 3 times, that she feels I'm very demeaning. So she thinks that I need to work on my approach. That I need to think before I speak so that I can decide if what I want to say will come across the right way. Does anyone have any suggestions on a book or books I could read to help me along with this? The reason being is I can't see her again until 5/8. That feels like such a long time for me to keep myself on track without her help.
I think IC is great, but I think you should be working on your issues all the time, not just when you are with IC.
What about that list I posted?
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It sounds like you have a number of things you can start working on:
- anger - controlling - insecure - taking H for granted - anxiety/depression
I mentioned controlling, and I would venture that your "demeaning" behavior is tied to that.
So which of these do you think really apply? Why do you think you are like that?
I feel like all of them apply in some fashion. I'm just not sure how to move forward fixing those issues on my own. Who will hold me accountable if I backslide? That's why I appreciate my IC.
On another note, my H asked me about my dying father today. It really threw me for a loop.
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
I feel like all of them apply in some fashion. I'm just not sure how to move forward fixing those issues on my own. Who will hold me accountable if I backslide? That's why I appreciate my IC.
Well, you can journal each day on this forum. Often, writing things down and seeing it in black and white helps order your thoughts. Plus, you can read back through them to check your progress. A good IC isn't going to just hand you the answers. They want you to have your own insights. You can do that on your own by thinking back over the last few days and writing down things that went well and things that you still need to work on.
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On another note, my H asked me about my dying father today. It really threw me for a loop.
Sorry to hear about your dad. Seems like you've got quite a lot on your mind lately.
M41 W42 M 12 T 15 S10, D9, twin Ds 3 1/2 BD 1/2/2013 Living as roommates Working on D agreement w. mediator 5/13
I'm struggling a little tonight. My H had the kids for a while tonight. Turns out he's bought a new flat screen tv and is paying all his bills while I'm struggling because he hasn't paid support in two weeks. He has all these wonderful plans for the kids this weekend. I'm going to be at home cleaning and purging so the landlord can come and inspect by the end of the month. I know I should be GALing it up. I still worry that it's counterproductive. Maybe I'm letting my anxiety take over since I know this will be my first weekend without the kids. Can anyone tell me if this is normal or am I way out there?
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
Being without my W or S in the house when she first moved out was a very unusual and lonely feeling. I wish you strength to get through it. You can try to GAL or not, as suits your mood this weekend, but have some patience with yourself as you deal with it. Anxiety is all part of it. Think of it as a reminder you're still alive and struggling to find the path forward.
I'd just ignore worries about what he is spending money on, or his plans with the kids. That's his life. If the support is court ordered, and is causing you troubles, there should be someone you can notify so that you can lay that worry aside as well.
This may be hard to believe, but you are at a good point to work on what kind of person you want to be. Try to focus on Breakdown's list, or whatever list of things you feel you can improve on. It's a great way to bolster your confidence and attitude.
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
The kids are now with my H. That was harder than I thought it was going to be. I decided to spring for some delivery food instead of cooking. I'm hoping to continue on with the cleaning and purging. I'm trying to look forward to having the ability to throw away toys without the kids interfering.
Time to put on my big girl panties and fix me. I can do this....right?
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I've been researching as many books as I can to help with that HUGE list of improvements I need to make. Do you think this is the right way to start out? I'm open to any and all suggestions.
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
