Nero, you are forever the optimist and I so love that about you. You make me look at things from a rosier point of view, I'm quit the sour puss these days and should not be aloud to think and make decisions alone. Just maybe I have, by being myself and bringing my family forward, shown him something to look forward to if he were to "come back". He has actually said he's considering all the loss he would face and that keeps him stable, but he is fighting the turnaround in him to be a good man. He's resisting living a good life, who says that!!!!
honestly- i make myself sick . i actually hate it alot of the time that i think like that. i have no idea if i'm right or "positive" or merely really serioyusly mentally ill. no drama- frankly. it could well be.
i'm SPINNING like a stinking fool here myself- i WISH I HAD A MAGIC WAND TODAY TO WAVE AND FIX EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. IT SEEMS to be the only answer to this all- how sad is that? i don't even think winning a lottry and a gazillion bucks would "fix" anything- how bad is that???
that's it= hope you're doing okay today- i guess, as usual i end up with this for you and me- if any questions or doubts in mind- don't do it (not yet)(end it for good) (totally) . know it's out there, know you can, know you might, but wait. i hate it- i hate it while i say it- i'm insecure and have no right to even be here probably - yet i am and i'm waiting and maybe i'm crazy. that's what i really worry about- my overly-romantic notions in life - will they be my total undoing?
this dbing is a hard hard thing because it actually may go with your gut- but it goes against every single thing available in life as far as societal values- moral judgement- what our parents said - what we've said (before) so on- it is just putting yourself out there in such a awful and vulnerable place- merely based on your own convictions and sometimes you don't even have faith in them.
today- i'm okay and going to go work on my own life- BUT realizing full well what a precarious and dangerous-feeling place i am in - in life- thru my own doing (as a result of his mlc)
oh well and nothing at all new there- thanks for your kind words. hoping you have a wonderful day - and do find a piece of peace - i like it- i wish i do too - just one more day dawn.
