P4L, sorry that you are in this situation and experiencing such confusion and pain. Been there, done that (and sometime still do on days).
Originally Posted By: Papa4Life
No, it's not really up to me anymore. It's just like what everybody says on these boards: I can't control W's feelings or actions, and she's made it clear that she "really wants a D", so I'm not going to fight it anymore. I'm just going to stop any kind of reasoning and letting myself be treated like a doormat and focus on finding that confident, happy guy I used to be. But the expectations and hopes I had, I've just had to let them go.
I guess I just never got the whole DBing principle, because I just made mistake after mistake, and now that I've decided to just let go and give W what she says she wants, now people are telling me that that's the wrong approach too. Wish I could afford telephone counselling, but right now I've got to start saving every dime to put towards my own apartment and legal costs.
From your post above you may be indicating that you understand the DB principles better than you realize. What I mean by that is that letting go of what you previously expected, not fighting against the D, not being a doormat and finding the old, confident you are all steps the right direction.
Doing these things are all things that you control and are really the only things that have a chance at contributing to you continuing to have a R w/W. Doing these things will also make you better/stronger person regardless of how things are resolved.
Stay strong and keep posting.
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
