thank you to all of you have stuck with me thru my shenanigans..lol I appreciate you all so much.
grace-
you are so right. it does feel like enough. the amazing thing to me is that I haven't given up. god only gives you what you can handle. at times it feels like too much, so I lean on him. im not religious but I am spiritual. he has carried me for a long time. soon I will be able to walk on my own again. of that I am sure. I don't care if I have an amazing future. I just want a normal one..lol thank you for bein there for me =)
so another week over in crazytown..i'm so sick of it. XW txts me Monday night to tell me I owe her $100 for D's birthday party on Saturday. I told her thanks for the short notice. would be nice for a little common courtesy of a heads up. i'm on disability right now which is 50% of my wage. been on it for almost 4 months now because of my broken shoulder. i'm on a tight budget and she knows it. I told her I would not be able to give her the money as I did not know there was even a party being planned. accused me of playing games, which i'm not so I didn't respond.
Friday was my D's IEP meeting at school. she has ADHD they say and has some learning disabilities. I find her very easy to deal with. she does very well in school, daycare and at hoe when she is in my care. I had court at the same time as the meeting so I called her teacher that morning to discuss options for me to be able to participate. I was never informed of the last meeting and found out why. XW put my old phone number on her school records. then when asked to verify it at the last meeting, gave it again as my contact number. I gave the teacher the right info, and she is confused as to why XW keeps saying that is my number. i'm not, but I chose not to get into it. I was able to make it to the last half of the meeting. XW was asking for help on how to deal with D's temper tantrums and lack of focus at home. when asked if I deal with these issues, I could honestly answer no. I don't have those problems. she knows whats expected of her at my house and I positively reinforce good behaviors and there is no reward for negative ones. the psychologist was impressed with my "method" and suggested that XW and I should get together and set up the same system in both homes. XW then got up and had to leave. she had somewhere to be. typical behavior from her, and yet she wants full custody? I don't get it, and I wasn't the only confused person that day. the whole IEP team was confused.
that night I texted XW to ask when the birthday party for my daughter is. She texted me back an hour later to tell me, if I bring her $100 then I can know when and where the party is. I didn't respond as I had no idea what to say..holding the b-day party ransom??? seriously..
uugghhh... I just want this week to go by with 1/2 the drama and I would be a happy camper. I don't understand her level of hate. she is the one who cheated repeatedly, lied repeatedly and stolen from me repeatedly. somehow i'm a monster though. I did things wrong in the M, and I have owned up to those mistakes and have tried to make amends..
Sorry Clay, your current dynamic sounds stressful. I have similar scenarios at play w/ my stbx but not as severe.
For her to use your daughter as leverage must be very hard to deal with and its unfortunate for all of you.
I don't think we will ever understand their level of anger and resentment. I have come to just accept it and also accept who she is with no judgment. We can't own their emotions.
I find myself putting on a business mask whenever I have to correspond with my stbx. This keeps my emotional guard up and I do what I need to do and then get back to my life.
Its difficult sometimes because I have 3 kids w/ her and we have to communicate almost daily.
Have you had any success with her in trying to set some boundaries?
thank you for your feedback. it is much appreciated. you are right. it is sooooooo stressful. i dont understand it nor do i really wish to. it hurts me to my very core. especially the stuff with my kids. it is not fair to them. they love me very much. i am not trying to brag or point fingers but i handle them better. they behave better with me. they seem happier. they tell me they like living with me better. i know kids play games so i dont put too much weight behind what they say. it is from my own observations and i try to be very impartial and leave my feelings aside. i would never try to take them from their mother as i believe having two parents is very important. they need a loving healthy relationship with their mother as they do me.
acceptance is different kind of thing. because of my AA program i am learning to accept things alot more. however i will never accept the way she treats me, how she uses the kids as weapons, and how decietful she is. i do however accept the fact that i cant change her and that she more than likely will always be this way.
communication with her is next to impossible. anything i say is twisted around and used against me in court or to hurt me. she knows how to hurt me and is very very good at it. i try so hard to remain calm and keep my body language in check. i stick to the few boundries i have. i would say i am 95% successful at keeping my cool. it doesnt seem to matter. it is almost every other day that she spews some type of hateful stressful nonsense..
i dont know what to do. i am however looking for a lawyer who will work for commission. i am intending on sueing OM and OM's employer. South Dakota is one of the few states that still allows for alienation of affection civil suits. I have read up on it quite a bit and feel that i have a good case. we will see what a lawyer says.
on the upside, i have my kid this weekend. we had a wonderful night tonight. i feel on top of the world when they are with me. i'm kind of seeing this girl. i'll probably end it soon, as i do with all the others. i dont know if i look for reasons to end it, or i have impossibly high standards. it just never seems right too me, and it seems that women are in such a huge rush to move to a crazy level of commitment.
i just started seeing a therapist last week. she says i may be suffering from severe depression and extreme anxiety. she is scheduling an appointment with someone who can prescribe meds or something. kind of confused on that part. either way, i'm going to see where it goes.
good to hear from you! i hope you are doing well. i am very sorry she has taken this route also. it hurts me so bad. what hurts the worst is seeing the way she looks and acts. she doesnt seem happy. no matter what happened between us, i always just wanted her happy.
what i hope to get out of a lawsuit.. i am not sure. i havent spoken to any lawyers yet. i am still trying to figure it out. i guess i would like him to have some accountability for his actions. i have taken my blame, and blame that isnt even mine to take. i have to pay xw money for her choices. it feels like i am rewarding her for running out on our family. to this guy. he can reimburse me. i dont know. it is probably bad thinking. it is where i am at.
its been a busy few weeks for me. the surgeon cleared me to go back to work with no restrictions!! then my boss said he didnt know if he had a job for me. "we will see how it goes while we are slow" he says. oh well, i'm not getting angry. he is like that, never gives a straight answer. there are other contractors looking for help, and i am good at what i do. plus, i can take my contractors test whenever i want to.
i've been in the mental health groups twice a week with IC once a week. on the thursday in IC the lady wants to tell me she feels that i need to work on being nicer to people and open up. she feels i have major trust issues. because i said i didn't like it when a guy i work with cries at work im rude. that could offend people who cry. i guess my feelings are not as important as other peoples. and my group is 8 women and one other guy. i dont trust women very much for obvious reasons. i am working on that. once i talk to them more, i start to trust if i feel i should. we will see how this goes. i told her if it made her feel better, i could just pretend and act like a model group member. everyone would then be happy, except me. so now i have authority issues too..lol tell me something i don't know.
on the flip side (i have court every thursday where the judge checks our progress in the program) the judge was full of compliments about my progress. he said the issues brought up from IC were discussed with him, and he feels like i am handling things in a very mature manner. he said to not worry if i dont progress as fast as others, just be honest and keep trying. i like this judge. he is scary smart and i would never play poker against him..lol
still havent got my tax return and i finally found out why. i am getting audited. my ex called the irs and told them i am illegally trying to claim my son. it was court ordered in my divorce that i claim him and she claims my daughter. she claimed them both and i think is trying to cover her butt. oh well, it will all work out. i will just get my money later than most people i guess.
We haven't had snow all week and its starting to warm up. I have a membership at the YMCA that i am using alot now. my shoulder feels good, so operation beastmode is back in effect. it feels so good to be able to work out again. i find that i am so much happier when i can go take out frustrations on the weights and the track.
I could say something woo-woo, like "Trust everyone until they give you reason not to" but I won't. Accept that you do have trust issues and it's not all because of your XW.
I have authority issues too.
You're going to be OK cause you keep working on it.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
bug- the lady is my counselor. and yes i have trust issues. i have had a rough life and i learned long ago that trusting people can get you hurt. i know that isn't always true, it is just a defense mechanism i am working hard to overcome. my anxiety doesnt help.
the guy crys about everything. my girfriend didnt make me breakfast, she didnt do this, she didnt do that, my boss doesnt like me. literal tears. i go to aa with his girlfriend so i know her. he is a little bit over dramatic. she isnt perfect but neither is he. i try to b supportive but it makes me uncomfortable when men cry. i dont like it and im not sure why. a construction site is a place men shouldnt be crying IMO.
SAIS-
lol!! im not a huge guy.. 5'6" so i like to stay at fighting weight if that makes sense. i'm a pitbull fanatic and i like to stay in shape like one. not huge and blocky. chiseled and toned. working out has become my happy place. no one gets mad when i "hit" the weights...lol
