Suckerpunch down to the wire

[25yearsmlc]

I'm posting something I posted to you before...but maybe it needs re-reading...
Take it in, SP....really. You were a critical partner. Even now when you talk about her, it's usually with contempt. You think her self esteem didn't take a battering after all those comments and remarks and fights? I really do...

I really do too. I know I was a critical partner. I know I didn't do things right. I know I need a lot more work... I am trying. I will still try, but time on this relationship is running out I feel.

sooo, may as well quit now? I mean, if you don't get "repaid" by her return to you, then what's the point of learning to be kind?

B/c really, that's what the main lesson was, wasn't it? Being a critical partner is another way of saying "you were mean" or you bullied, etc. Honestly, I saw some brave effort on your end to get to the truth of the matter

but in essence, it was almost all about you mistreating her. That was the MAIN problem and she told you that, more than once. But you didn't work on it at all, until she left. Those are facts.



I refuse to take a huge financial hit, on top of my emotional hit, because I made a decision to be a more understanding and compasionate husband to a woman that left me anyway.

WHAT?? That^^^ makes no sense. Stop the victim role b/c it does not work here and YOU are NOT a victim.

You are not taking a hit BECAUSE you made improvements & changes...

if this marriage does not get turned around, it's NOT BECAUSE of the changes you made, and her not taking you back.

It's because she does not trust that the changes are real

AND OR b/c you made those changes too late.


As a business owner, you should agree that this would not be a smart move. I have MY FUTURE to worry about now. Wife is deciding to remove herself from that equation, so I am only going to look out for my own benefit, as well as my daughters.

do what you want, and I know you will,

but please don't ask me to agree with you. I don't. AND you have to learn to deal with that. NOT everyone will agree with you and when they/we don't, it does not make us "wrong".

AND fwiw

1) Businesses are NOT assessed or taxed the same way homes are,

and so

2) the real answer to my questions are A) "NO She did not have counsel when she signed over all that money for a "family home""

and B) "YES YOU DO expect her to "donate" all of that money to YOUR BUSINESS which means, only you benefit.


you make LOTS of arguments about how unfair all this is to YOU. Yet you genuinely don't get her point of view.

You lack empathy for her point of view, b/c your feelings are so hurt. Your opinion happens to be very self serving and you don't seem able to concede much to her even conceptually.

Maybe that's something for you to ponder.


The unfortunate situation is, W texted me the other day. We were going back and forth about how to split up our assets. Some of the things she said made sense to me, others didn't. That is regardless, the one point she made, and one that she hasn't waivered on once since BD, is that she isn't going to ever come back. There will be no second chance, no time to see how things progress among us, no nothing. She is DONE and moving forward with her life. She has even started dating to see what is out there. Her mother told me that she is encouraging W to date even more. She has already seen a few guys, but apparently nothing has sparked for her as of yet. The point being, she IS MOVING ON.

Here are a few of her words, and her same basic stance she has taken since BD:

"You know what is so sad, (husband). I have no want to come back to you. I haven't even missed you. I have missed (Daughter) terribly, and I miss having a nice home to entertain in. I am sorry that hurts you but I am not coming back."

This^^ does not change my opinion much. Most WAWs think that when they leave or they don't leave.

IMO, She does not trust that your changes are deep or real enough. And she is angry at you.

It's easy to "change' When you see results and baby steps quickly..., but keeping those changes going "just to become a better man" even if there is no immediate pay off, or the pay off YOU wanted, is of questionable value to you.

That ^^ troubles me.

You seem awfully quick to equate her flaws to yours when it was clear that although she does indeed have faults, yours were what harmed the marriage the most.

You don't want to deal with that b/c those choices have made a huge mess you don't seem able to clean up....better to blame her for "at least her share" of it, whatever that means.

you're fine with her walking away with less than she came into the marriage with, and you pocketing her "donation" b/c ONLY SHE risked money...???

and blaming her for the divorce too....

see any pattern?