ILYBINILWY too

[keep_going]

C -

I agree with oldtimer - attend a few meetings. Sometimes what we need doesn't come in the shape or form we expect it and you may find yourself pleasantly surprised if you are open to something different and out of your comfort zone.

I wanted to mention that even though all 12-step programs share the same principles and guidelines (the 12 steps), each program is unique in its own way.

I used to go to Gam-Anon (for families of gamblers). The format for most of the meeting was similar to CoDA's, yet during the "open forum" time, after people shared during their 5 minutes, others were allowed to comment back. yet those responses needed to be about personal experiences and always in the first person. In other words, people could relate their own learnings or challenges based on what others shared, but could not give specific advice.

The point is that this is a personal journey and the meetings are non-judgmental and respectful of where everyone is within their own program.

While at CoDA it is more of a listening format, like you described, it is still a very powerful way to learn about yourself and others. Pretty much like coming here and "lurking" and reading other people's threads - you can find so much insight and learn so much...

I would also recommend trying different meetings. Each location runs their meetings differently and some are smaller, more intimate groups and others are quite large. Find where you feel more at home.

Finally, each week meetings vary - one week they are focused on a specific step, etc.

If you want to learn more about co-dependency, buy the "bible book" at your next meeting (all of them sell literature). It's called "Codependents Anonymous" and it describes co-dependency, goes in depth about each of the 12-steps and has a big section dedicated to personal stories. This section is tough to read, every story is real and told by the person who lived it. I cried when I read so many of those and it was truly humbling for me.

I guess the most important thing is that regardless of the group, meeting or literature, you will get the most out of all of them if and when you decide to do your own 12-step program. Not an easy thing to do, but it can be life-changing.

Good luck!