Time for the Loop the Loop on this rollercoaster!

[sandi2]

Your goals should be about what you will accomplish, not your W. You have no control over her.

Get to a position where wife accepts or seeks physical touch from me.

What would it take from you to be to the point she would want to accept physical touch? Instead of making a wide general statement, narrow it down to more specifics.

Wife will display physical affection unprovoked.

I don't see much difference in this goal and the last one.
At any rate, the same thing would apply.

wife will show a sign of us being a family.

So, do you consider her using words such as "we" as a sign? I don't. And, I think that is another very broad statement that doesn't give specifics. It's about "her" instead of "you".

Or intersctions are better thsn most married people, but not much moves to reconcilliation.

I know how tempting it is to compare your M to others, b/c I did it for years. Maybe it's natural, IDK. But do you believe the root to the M problem is poor interactions? I don't think you do b/c you already see it better than most other M's.

I think getting your DB Coach to guide you to the next step is a good idea. B/c the way I see things now is that your W is playing both men. You speak of how often she texts you when she's home and how many times when she's with OM. However, you don't know how many times she is texting OM! You have allowed her to keep her position in your home.....which is very beneficial for her. Yet, she gets the thrill of an A. If that's not cake eating, I don't what is. If you want to continue living like this, then that's your business. But, I don't really know what to tell you for the next step....accept wait it out.

She has seen that he isn't good around D3 and has decided the child doesn't need to be around him. You want to see it as a positive, and it may be......I hope you're right. But the fact remains that your W has seen for herself and decided it wouldn't be a good thing, and yet she chooses to continue seeing the OM.

Will his children live with him? Are they young children?

I think he will hang himself with your W, but how long it may take, I have no idea. But here's something I want you to think about.....if she decides that OM is a jerk and ends the A, will she be looking for a possible OM2? You see, if the OM is as sorry as he sounds, then your W is not really attracted to him b/c she has better taste (I hope), so it's more about what she gets out of having the A. If OM #1 doesn't pan out, will she still have those unfulfilled emotional needs that drove her to OM? I don't think she cares a flip about him. Never have. That's why you need to fix you so that she'll be attracted to you again, instead of going after anybody else....including OM #1.