Soooooo, Back again for Advice!!!

[Just A Guy]

Yeah so, some of you might no me from last last year..

W had an EA with OM and ended up leaving me to explore her options... It was a long dragged our transition in which she said many things but in my no clear opinion she never intended for our marriage to work once OM came into the scene...

Fast Forward to the past few months.. I live in a great house with my brothers. Been out meeting new people, going to an incredible IC, went on a date, had an incredible woman show interest in me, started exploring that.

Last Week W had mutual friend serve me D papers... She called me and started balling. Says she is confused, for the first time since this started she missed me, bla bla bla... Anyhow I know this is typical of most sitchs based off of what I see here..

WAS leaves, LBS cries, LBS becomes happy again and inevitably WAS realizes what they had.

This is what has happened to a T to me... She is jealous of me and the attention I am getting from women, she is mad that I am changing myself for the better and happy without her etc...

This past weekend she called me and told me she was "Mad at me that it took her leaving for me to change myself". I told her I was sorry she felt like that and I can understand her frustrations.

Now I am at a crossroads, I have my D papers signed ready to go. I know that she is feeling guilty about her decision and her ego is trying to place the blame on me. I could never R with her until she swallows her pride and admits she just plain gave up when the going got tough.

Is now the time to discuss this with her???

[Just A Guy]

All my friends tell me to keep that door shut and make a clean break... Easier said than done!! I still love her and care about her. We had awesome times together but just got off track..

I have moved on and begun an awesome trip of self realization... I AM AWESOME!! And I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and LOTS OF LOVE!!

HELP!! Brain = Re-Scrambled lol

[MrBond]

"Is now the time to discuss this with her???"

No. In fact, next time she brings up the past, stop her and tell her that you understand why she was hurt in the past and that you can't change the past. However you are changed NOW and that's all that matters. AND reconciliation with her was virtually impossible when she constantly looked for other men. So that while you have already accepted responsibility for the things you've done, it is not all your fault.

You don't need to file the paperwork yet. Maybe hold onto it and see what happens.

[AnotherStander]

Hey JAG! Welcome back!!

WAS leaves, LBS cries, LBS becomes happy again and inevitably WAS realizes what they had.

It is annoying as hell that they often wait until the LBS has moved on, because then it leaves the LBS with a very difficult decision, whether to expose themselves to that potential hurt all over again or not.

Now I am at a crossroads, I have my D papers signed ready to go. I know that she is feeling guilty about her decision and her ego is trying to place the blame on me. I could never R with her until she swallows her pride and admits she just plain gave up when the going got tough.

Is now the time to discuss this with her???

Is your IC an MC as well? Is so, then maybe give that a try. If your W is interested in trying, check into Retrouvaille as well. I can't tell from what you said whether she's interested in trying or just expressing confusion (boy have I never been there with my W).

I have moved on and begun an awesome trip of self realization... I AM AWESOME!! And I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and LOTS OF LOVE!!

LOL! That's fantastic, glad to hear you're doing so well

[mrtwopointfour]

Hi JAG, I have no advice for you as I am new to all this. But wanted to let you know that reading that you are doing so well after a year, has perked me up no end. Good for you, and sounds like you can call the shots now!

[Just A Guy]

Hey Mr Bond, thanks for the wise words... Living in the past will never move us forward...

A.S. Glad to be back on MUCH better grounds than before.. I know that no matter what happens with me and STBX I am in a great place... If you had asked me 6 months ago if I would be okay I would have said "Not until I get her back". No I know I am a catch, I have women telling me this all the time now. W now sees this and is re-thinking her decision. I do NOT think she wants to go through with the D.

However my IC told me I should very gently confront her about her "I am mad at you for not changing till I left". He and I both know that this is simply not true especially since I owned up to my mistakes and started making changes as soon as I joined this site! He said since I used to be spineless with her standing up for my feelings now is an important step in my growth even though she might not like what she hears.

He also said he would be willing to see both of us if she agreed to come willingly.

MRtwopointfour I will tell you right now DETACH AND MOVE ON WITH BETTERING YOURSELF... I thought I was doing it, boy was I wrong. Then one day I just decided to go out and talk to new people, make new friends and allow myself to have fun. Once I did that it was all downhill.. I punished myself a LOT for my mistakes.. Forgive yourself, forgive your W and let go of the rope, GOD it feels GREAT to be free again!

[Just A Guy]

So after talking to more friends and family here is what I have decided.. Feel free to chime in on what you all think..

1) It is not my job to pursue R in our M.

2) It is not my job to hold onto the D papers.

3) I need to make sure I tell her that I do not agree that I didn't change until she left.

4) I need to continue to live my life the way I am now and if she continues to show interest we need to go to my current IC together.

Thoughts?

[Positivespin]

Go on a "date" with her. See if the 2 new individuals that have been created by this mess are compatible

Youll know the answers to your questions


Dont let her play the victim card now

[tori2012]

JAG, I remember you. Wow, things have really turned around for you.

I like your decision except for #4. If you're going to a counselor, go to an entirely new one. Your IC has a biased view of the sitch.

I would wait before talking about this w her. She might be acting out of emotion.

I am going to sound sexist and no offense to anyone, but I think men who've been left have a much higher chance to get their W's back bc women are driven by emotion. When men leave, they usually find OW right away and have no interest in R (although many of them pursue cake-eating.)

Listen to your heart and be patient as you come to a decision.

[Just A Guy]

Well W left and was dating OM within 3 days of removing her rings.. Had messages passed to her from her friend who wanted to see W with OM because he is her cousin..

Still trying to figure out what would need to happen to repair this damage...

Yeah items 1-3 will be complete by this weekend. Item 4 will need to take her telling me she made a mistake she wants to fix..

I do not really foresee this happening but then again I didn't ever think she would tell me she "missed me" or that she was jealous.