Busting, I could've been the one saying your statement: "How manipulative and selfish was H to make me think I was overreacting about this friendship? That I actually at one point apologized to him for not respecting this friendship."
My H did the same. He had these work "friends" that made me feel really uncomfortable. He would hide his calls to them, and lied about getting together with them after his sports. When I told him how I felt, he was angry and said I was unreasonable. He said men and women could be friends. Later on I realized there was something going on with coworker #1 (they decided to end the calls bc they knew it was inappropriate) and coworker #2 (asked him to take the place of his OW bc she knew about the A.) These women think nothing of themselves, I guess.
You're entitled to be angry. I haven't bumped into the original OW anymore (there are so many now that I have to give them numbers) and hope to never see her again.
