KG I completely agree with you about the importance of sleep. Sometimes I feel like I am in a perpetual state of being tired that I forget that I am tired. I have learned to recognise however, that I if I am feeling too sensitive or emotional that my lack of rest is contributing to it.
For far too long, this sitch had dictated several bad habits that revealed how I was not taking care of me. Whether it was sleeping too little, eating poorly, drinking too much or letting my mind wander into dark places. That is all coming under my control now. Thankfully.
PMA is worth so much.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hi Val, I think you are right. Boundaries when there were none, are going to be hard. And I shouldn't have any expectations about H's ability to respect them.
I dont feel we really communicate well to be honest. I know I can improve and have improved my communication skills. I dont want to talk about H too much, I just am very aware that he says very little to me. He speaks in code a lot or will let out little comments that I try and understand. I guess this goes back to when he probably felt like I didn't listened to him in the first place, which is partially true. H is not a talker. I knew that, yet still expected him to talk.
Anyway, I agree that it is us that should be more understanding now. I really try to be. I am trying now to just take a positive interaction for what it is. I know that there is so much more for me to learn and so much more growth. And I need to remember that H is on his own journey as well.
(((((((Val)))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Busting, you're showing amazing growth already. I can see the shift. So feel good about yourself. And keep sleeping well! That is priceless. Love to you.
OK, now I am aware that if it wasnt her it would have been someone else. Lately I feel like memories from the past are making more sense to me. H's 'friendship' with her that drove me crazy. And made me feel so bad about MYSELF. How is that possible that I would feel guilty for that. How manipulative and selfish was H to make me think I was overreacting about this friendship? That I actually at one point apologized to him for not respecting this friendship. WHAT A FOOL I WAS!
Hmmm... Anger. Will add this too, to my shield.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Busting, I could've been the one saying your statement: "How manipulative and selfish was H to make me think I was overreacting about this friendship? That I actually at one point apologized to him for not respecting this friendship."
My H did the same. He had these work "friends" that made me feel really uncomfortable. He would hide his calls to them, and lied about getting together with them after his sports. When I told him how I felt, he was angry and said I was unreasonable. He said men and women could be friends. Later on I realized there was something going on with coworker #1 (they decided to end the calls bc they knew it was inappropriate) and coworker #2 (asked him to take the place of his OW bc she knew about the A.) These women think nothing of themselves, I guess.
You're entitled to be angry. I haven't bumped into the original OW anymore (there are so many now that I have to give them numbers) and hope to never see her again.
Lol Cadet I can always rely on you to put things in perspective :-) thank you for the reminder. :-)
I have been thinking a lot about the recent posts of NG on shame. I don't think H tried to manipulate me etc about OW- I do think it was a reaction out of shame. Not that it absolves of responsibility. Just kind of amazing how for so long we act and react in ways that stem from such a place of pain and grow up to think that it is normal to keep that shame buried and hidden. That the shame is coming from fear. What we are need is more empathy and compassion.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Tori-The one time I bumped into OW since this sitch began was at a big party...they type I don't usually attend, but BFF asked me to go to ('you spend too much time at home'...etc).
OF COURSE she was there. At first I panicked. Then, I said to myself to F^%& this Sh!t, I am going to have a blast tonight. A few shots of liquid courage and I didn't leave the dance floor. HAD A BLAST, danced with guys, flirted, laughed with my girlfriends...It was a great night. I almost forgot OW was there....but oh was she watching (according to BFF). lol. That gave me a rush. Choke on it OW. Cadet is right. A match made in heaven.
I think they are more anxious about seeing us then we are about seeing them. What do we have to hide??
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I hear you, Busting! I agree that they should be the ones to hide. This OW is pretty bad, though. She is aggressive, and when she was stalking my H in the parking lot and we tried to get in the car, she actually reached over me to hit my H. It was like an episode of Jerry Springer or whatever. So I don't ever want to see that woman anymore. The thought gives me stomach pain. That shows you who my H is associating with during the past 2-3 years. He's like a teen who's hanging out w the bad crowd to prove to his mom (me) that he's totally independent and can do whatever he wants.
I wish I could see a video of you dancing at the party :-)
Wow Tori- H's OW is similar... Really bad reputation- cat fights with other women and shaming to H ( your wife is more of a man than you) yet he stays with her. Not sure I see the attraction.
You don't want to see me dance lol i usually end up tripping on my feet and falling on my backside lol (true story!)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
