I have constructed my personal list of things I have learned painfully over the last yr. This is of course is nothing more that a list of what I have been advised over this time by everyone on this site, but this is a list of what I have finally accepted for myself.
What I have learned....
When a spouse wants to walk away, let them, offer a suitcase, and you decide if you want to leave the door ajar behind them.
MLCer's do NOT live happily ever after with OW or OM
Let go sooner rather than later.
MLC has nothing to do with you, it's a personal crisis they blame on you.
Revenge isn't nessecery, they will ruin themselves all on their own.
As soon as the bomb drops, go NC and protect yourself.
Remember to love and respect yourself, as much as you were willing to love your spouse. I seem to shortchange myself, but lavish him.
You have been living a with a false H for quite some time, by the time they bomb you they have already been at this for a while.
Don't look back in pain and romanticize your R, accept the last few yrs for what they were, and see your S for who they have become.
They are not the S's we know, they are strangers with strange ideas and no filter for how they will treat you.
The acceptance stage can end up being that they accept all their own MLC lingo as truth and it becomes who they are, and how they want to live the rest of their life.
Loneliness is not a reason to compromise yourself to you S. What am I missing anyway, H is not good enough for me anymore, he's gone!
This is my montra for when I feel down or anxious, it's helps me move forward, I pray for the day it comes natural for me and "all about H" is truly an afterthought.
There is no end to this list for me, I am still learning and growing everyday. I learn from this site everyday, I am thankful for all I read here and everyone who shares their personal story.
Thanks for sharing, very nice & helpful summary!!!!! Although not quite as dramatic, I have similar situation w/WAW.
Stay strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
