[azguy]

Hi, in_it. I admire your patience in all of this. Your H's response to your pregnancy sounds very difficult to deal with.

[in_it]

Thanks for stopping by azguy. It has been difficult so far & it hasn't even been 24 hours.

I'm hoping that time will be a benefit to me. I'm hoping that he will come around. I worry if he doesn't & really never accepts this child what our daughters will think? I know that they are young now, but they will grow up. When they do and put it all together & see how their father has acted makes me hurt. H needs to be in their lives & they need him as well. But only the 2 of them? What about their sibling? I pray it doesn't come to that & he opens his eyes.

[Breakdown]

Well, it's time to put on your big girl pants!

First off, congratulations. I realize that the timing isn't great, but it usually isn't in one way or another. A new life is an amazing thing and should be celebrated. Our last child was unexpected as well. We found out a few weeks after I had gone to the consultation for my vasectomy, so for me, I think there is a reason for everything. We were meant to have this last child....we don't know why yet, but someday we might.

Second, you need to prepare yourself to do this pregnancy without your H's help. That's going to be tough, but you need to first start by respecting yourself. You're going to have to get a lot stronger....not only for you, but for that baby.

How are you going to get that self respect? Start by stop apologizing.

With all that said, I would consider his feelings. I'm sure he is angry and feels trapped. He's probably more mad at himself than anything, but isn't showing it, or hasn't realized it yet. Give him some space.

Hang in there....we're here for you.

[adinva]

Those are good comments. I wanted to add that, if you can, try not to take to heart any of the scary ugly things he says about what he will or won't do in the future. Let them roll off your back and take a wait-and-see attitude.

He may or may not do what he says. He is hurting you with these declarations, so protect yourself against them. You have no way of knowing how he will behave with his new baby. You only can stand up for yourself and your right to be treated with dignity and respect. You can state that you did not do this on purpose, and you can refuse to listen to further accusations. You should by all means be prepared to raise your baby the best you can without him. But when all the other personalities come into play besides yours and his, how he behaves may turn out much different than he planned. How will baby's sisters feel about him when he ignores baby? What will they say to him? How will he feel when baby kicks and coos and smiles and toddles and rides a bike? These are things the future will take care of. Please don't worry...don't borrow trouble from the future.

[jp787]

in_it, It doesn't sound like your H is healthy for any of you right now, I hope that changes. I hope you can focus on you and your kids, all three of them!
Your in my thoughts!

[makingmagic]

in_it, Congrats from me too. I think your h is just reacting (and add like a spoiled jerk). You yourself said he does this (jugular). So, give him some space to let it sink in. I hope he realizes what a GIFT a child is and your sitch changes for the best.

((HUGS))

[in_it]

Update…soccer got canceled due to weather. I text H to tell & he replied with-Ok. And immediately after that he text me again & asked how I planned to deal with this pregnancy? I was on my way in to a grade school to mentor a 2nd grader (I do this every Tuesday at an inner city school during lunch) so I text back stating I was walking into the school to tutor & that I would call him on my way back to work. When finished I called & he said he was really busy & couldn't talk.

We've been home for over 2 hours now & he hasn't mentioned a thing. He has had some small talk & not ignoring me, but I don't know if I should bring it up or just wait on him?

I'm off to run now & the girls will be in bed when I get home. I'm very nervous for this conversation whenever it does happen.

There's a lot of things going through my head right now. I'm afraid of rambling & not being able to get my thoughts out in a manner that shows control & calmness.

[in_it]

Update/Journal:
No more communication. Barely spoke to each other after returning home from the gym last night. H didn't even say goodbye this morning. Ugh, this is hard.

I'm just going to go with it & continue to GAL & keep a PMA to the best of my ability. Staying busy is going to be key for me right now.

I've been going over in my head all the points I want to make when he does ask about the pregnancy again. I'm kind of relieved he didn't talk yesterday when I called him. It's given me some time to get my thoughts together. I feel like I can now speak calmly and rationally without getting flustered & shut down. I tend to do that in big important conversations.

So, today my goal is to stay focused & get some work done. I haven't really been able to do that so far this week.

[makingmagic]

apparantly the rule is to wait 48 hours... guess that gives us enough time to sort things out. good luck

[in_it]

Thanks Waiting!
I'm for sure using time for my benefit right now. I've actually written down a list of bullet points I want to discuss when we do talk on a sticky note. I think reading over it throughout the day will help prepare me.