DBing, European style

[Papa4Life]

Thanks for your responses everybody. Sandi, you don't have to apologize for a long post. I love 'em and I appreciate your taking the time to offer the advice.

After a couple of R talks recently (initiated by W), and after working on a few 180s for quite some time, I fooled myself into thinking that perhaps she was having second thoughts. I went into it with certain expectations and it appears now that I indeed was just setting myself up for an even bigger disappointment.

Today, W received a book in the mail about D. She has really been hammering away about wanting to talk to the MC or a finacial advisor about the financial aspects of D, and I kept...not resisting, exactly...just not greasing the rails, in a sense. But the more honest I am with myself, the more I'm confronted with the reality of the fact that my M is nearing its end. I'm gutted. I've let my W down, I've let my children down, I've let myself down.

So, as much as it hurts me to say, I think it's time to give up the struggle. The impact on all of us will be enormous, but if she has made up her mind, no amount of reasoning, no amount of bending over backwards, will ever get her to reconsider.

SO, it's time to wave the white flag. I'm going to cooperate with her and give her what she wants. I just hope she's happy, I really do. Life will go on, I'm still devoted to my...our...kids. I'm going to be pretty busy looking for a job, learning to take on the responsibilities that my W mostly handled up until now. I'll continue with IC and if W insists, I'll go back to MC to try and make the transition more smoothe. I'll be sure not to let myself be treated as a doormat. And I'll try to keep a PMA through it all. Work on myself: just like everybody's been telling me to do, and what I fooled myself into thinking I was actually doing. What a dope.

In short, I'm no longer going to stand in the way of W getting what she wants, or of my getting what I need. It's time to move on.

W said to me this weekend that she wished everyone would just stop hoping. Maybe she's onto something. When you've got no hope, you can never be let down, isn't that the saying? Yeah, to hell with hope. Time to start looking after myself and to looking toward a hopefully bright future post-D.

Papa4Life signing off. Over and out.