Myrrh, if I can pass along one piece of advice in the hopes that you will learn something now--it would be to work on how you express that anger you mentioned.
If you backslide on anything, pick something else--because this is undoubtedly going to be his big barometer. That is, the one thing that tells him that you are dead serious about changing yourself to change your M.
I haven't lost my temper with Mr. W. since last July (I think it was June, but I'm allowing myself a 30 day fudge factor here). As of November, he had not noticed that we had not been in a conflict--until I pointed that out to him. At that time, he was pretty much unwilling to admit to anyone (let alone himself) that I had changed drastically.
To this day, I have not lost my temper with him since. I have resolved to keep that anger in check and work on developing a plan to keep myself from eating fish.
That method is what I call Underdog's Overnight Rule.
UOR states that I must sleep on anything that he has said or done. If I still feel torqued about the topic the next day, I am free to address it with him.
95% of the time, I don't feel that the issue was important enough to address. I see those moments as potential crazymaking times: when I'm spoiling for a fight so I'm going to get one. The other 5% of the times, I am much more calm and find a solution-oriented approach so he doesn't run away from any potential conflict with me.
Myrrh, this is going to take a long time to iron out. Just be patient and find an alternative to losing your temper with him.
After all, it is not bringing you two closer together, is it?
Big hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
