Well, I know one thing I need to do - spend more time here getting great advice, support, and encouragement from all of you guys! I think I try to do this alone too much of the time.
Unfortunately, the fighting is MY issue. My parents had a really stormy, unhappy marriage, and although objectively that isn't what I want, I am scared to let things just cool down. It's weird, but sometimes I fell like negative attention is better than NO attention. Having explained that, I realize that the why doesn't really matter, what matters is that it's not working! The old R sucked, to be blunt. Is it possible to love someone and still hate the R you have with them?
Biggest fights we get into: when I try to have big R talks, when I bug him about coming over, when I let my feelings re OW (3-4 months gone - lives 3 hours away now) or my fears about us come out. I am driving him farther away with MY pressuring.
I don't know how to handle inviting him to come over without being pressuring - I have so much trouble not feeling rejected when he says no, and I react to my feelings of rejection with anger.
It's hard to accept that my family may never measure up to my family's standards of what a family/marriage sh/be like. H and I spend a lot of time playing computer games (online) together - that's a hobby for us. We are avid Lord of the Rings fans, he owns a tattoo and body-piercing shop. That's what my family sees, and thinks we're just weird and dysfunctional (the latter maybe, but not because of our interests and hobbies).
They don't see him buying me little presents whenever he goes somewhere, or bringing over milk cuz I asked him to, but also picking up some of my favorite kind of juice just for me on the way. They don't see him putting up with my fears, and doubts, and loving me just for who I am and thinking I'm adorable that way!
We still have all that, and it is ME that is the big roadblock here right now. How do I relate to my husband and be lovingly detached without being rejecting? (specifically when we are negotiating when to get toegether)
Help! (And thanks for the advice and encouragement thus far Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
