p2... still waiting to hear what you have said or she said? how will you handle this?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
wow...icequeen!... she doesn't want to share! What all did u say/do?
Time to get off this 'puter... Ive basically been here since you went for your bike ride.
Going to go pout, tomorrow is my 20yr anniversary.... guess we didn't make it.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
wfm, It's my wish for you that you have a Happy Anniversary anyways. If your husband doesn't do anything for you, just go out and spoil yourself. Put it on the company card so he pays. That's what my wife does!!
MrBond...how is that the wrong thing to do?... P2 has been getting good responses from her when he is sensitive and affectionate to her.
P2.... gosh, what spoiling stuff would she put on the company card?... I would get reamed!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
he asked and probed which is a drag....Then he told her she looks beautiful which was both pursuit AND a way to invalidate her choices for spending AND it revealed snooping.
the "she looks beautiful TO ME " is a thinly veiled way to control what she spends her money on and suggests that HER view of her appearance isn't worthy of expenditures, only HIS views.
Come to think of it, Except for implants, I rarely hear of h's who overtly support their w's spending money on their looks...but it's how WE see ourselves that matters.
I live in Southern California so suffice to say, aging is not allowed.
Every woman over 40 who can afford it, has gotten Botox-IF they wait that long.
Many also get radiesse or juvaderm (but if you think her wrinkles disappeared the same day she got Botox, I think you're mistaken. It takes a few days to a week to take effect).
Forget Southern California, my family is on the east coast, which is where I grew up. There, More than half my friends back home have gotten Botox, and a third have had more "work" done. It's money that stops the ones who have not had work done.
So, using that east coast area as more "mainstream", I hope you see that it's very common for women to get this. Far more often than men.
Of ALL the women who can afford it, whom I know, only one refuses to get Botox...she's rare.
BTW I've had Botox and have never told my h about it, unless he asks. I guess I just feel it's a woman's right to not give away her secrets.
Yes if he asked, I'm vague at first, but if pressed, I fess up. But come to think of it, he's never asked me what it costs.
Hmm, I'll have to give him a high five for that...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
WFM, we don't have a "company" card. And DON"T take me literally in what I said to you! I was being sarcastic and venting frustration. You will see that there are those of us here who struggle just the same as you. We are lost and trying to find our way through the fog.
Mr. Bond, I am open to your input. Only a foolish man turns down advice. I see you have made it through these shark infested waters in one piece. What I am trying to do is apply DB techniques to my situation, but I also know that each case is different and needs adjustments for it to work. Can you offer me your suggestions? Going back today to re-read the textbook.
Interesting answer, 25, and thank you VERY MUCH for chiming in! I track your posts here and try to soak up what you have to say like a sponge.
I can see that I haven't looked at this from a woman's perspective. Being a man, I venture to say that I am clueless about how a woman looks at this stuff. I guess it really IS a privacy issue. Having such a procedure, very well could be, and likely IS something about which a wife would probably not even tell her husband. The thing is that my wife has had a breast augmentation and wanted me there with her during all consultations. She's considering a revision and has said she wants me to go to the consultations again. I assumed that she would be as open with me about any other procedures. I found it surprising that she wasn't.
Yes, I have shown pursuit lately. I've been stalled with my wife since October. I figured I was on a tunnel sans cheese and would change it up. I have gotten a mixed response from her. Sometimes, she seems to accept it. Other days she isn't interested and seems to want nothing to do with me.
Of the things that I have started doing differently, making non sexual, but manly physical contact with her from a place of strength and security within myself (if you understand what I mean) seems to be welcomed be her. I am going back to physical contact alone. I really haven't been talking or asking questions. I've been attempting to act as if nothing negative had ever happened between us.
My wife is from europe and has a tendency, as do a lot of European folks I know, to not suffer fools (at all). She comes at things head on and disrespects anyone who doesn't do business that way. The best way to communicate with her is to be straight up and ask the question. She doesn't care if she offends you and she looks at people who are worried about that kind of stuff as untrustworthy. She thinks they aren't saying what really are thinking. For example, she often says she finds southern hospitality phony. I think asking the question was ok with her. Asking again was not.
Yes, I dug. Guess I haven't really disconnected enough. Some day, hopefully, I will reach the point where it doesn't matter to me.
I DO find it irritating that she feels she can go out and drop $550 and not even tell me about it when asked and yet I get chastised when I spend less than that and am open about what it is for. VERY much a double standard in my eyes, unless I look at it as a privacy issue, but even then, she could have said "hey, I spent $550 over here at _______" and not just said nothing about it to me. My response might have been different. But... then again, maybe it wouldn't have been. Again, this is beating a dead horse, and I will take notes from this episode and learn from it. It won't be brought up again.
My wife is a very beautiful girl. She REALLY COULD be a model if she wanted to be one. Maybe this is something from which she derives a lot of her self esteem. I know our society is consumed with women's beauty and sex appeal.
My words to her affirming her attractiveness are not hollow. They are how I have always felt. Maybe she DID look at it as me disregarding her feelings that she has about herself. Maybe she just looked at it as me feeding her a pick-up line. In the past, my words would have been received differently than that. I would have gotten a smile and, more than likely, a kiss of appreciation. Obviously now is not the past.
I still don't know what procedure she had. It really doesn't matter and it's really not important anyway. I will not bring up the subject with her anymore.
Thank you for talking to me about this. Reading what I have posted here, I can clearly see that my error was in me not trusting her and not thinking of this from her perspective. I was wrong in what I did.
