Is this MLC or WAS? Don't know what to do...

[BrightFuture]

Mum2hree, Tori thank you for you kind words. My H is sad, but I don’t think he is confused. He knows that he will have to “eat sandwiches” (his words) for a long time in order to support himself. His work is seasonal and not steady and his health is deteriorating. But, he is not changing his mind about us. He’s being telling me for a number of years that according to his family history he will not leave long. His Mom died 15 years ago (I think she was barely over 60) from lung cancer. His Dad died 2 years ago (he was around 73) from MLS, which a horrible disease. His Dad’s sister died of the same MLS disease two months later. She was diagnosed a couple of years earlier, but died at about the same time as his Dad. His family thinks that it is genetic. The latest news are about my H’s sister, that she might have some sings of MLS also. This is probably why my H’s estimate of his life span went down from 15-20 to 10-15 years. Also, he is not feeling well, his asthma got worse and he is very stressed all the time (his words.)

“I suppose he just wants to get out and away, thinking that that will improve things and make him feel better.”
I have exactly same feeling after yesterday’s conversation. He might be thinking that as soon as the whole D is over, he will be happy and his feeling of guilt will disappear.

He is already enjoying the freedom. He is leaving in our vacation condo and is doing whatever he wants. I completely left him alone and only have contact when he initiates, which is rare, or if he needs something or I need something from him, mostly business related.

You are right I was always there for him, supported him, helped him with things. Our friends told me that we always looked like we were a team. We went through some rough times together. But I was also a nag, a whiny girl sometimes, and he had to deal with my bad moods and negativity. All of that is gone now, I became a different person. I don’t rely on him for my happiness. But also withdrew my support for him since our separation. Funny thing that you mentioned that. He actually told me that I would be the person he will come to in case he is not able to afford the condo anymore.

I think I am already mysterious, but it seems to not matter. He is absolutely sure he “fell out of love” (his words – according to our friends.)

I will definitely take your advice to not talk to the mutual friends any more, since this seems to create more confusion and misunderstanding.

Mum2three, I’m so happy to hear that your situation improved! This means that DB principles work. I know that if my H sees that I am fun to be with again, it will definitely help him to see what he might be losing. But, he is very stubborn and rarely changes the decisions he makes, unless there is something drastic happens. I do see some hope though. It will just take a lot of time for him to see that and realize that. And, unfortunately, it could also mean that he will have to go through some experience of trying to find a perfect relationship where he would not any arguing and confrontation.