I have never told my wife she couldn't have something. If she wants to spend money on something I ALWAYS tell her I am happy for her to have whatever she wants. She has NEVER spent this kind of money on a purchase and then refused to tell me what it was for. I have never done that either. It wasn't so much that she had spent the money. It was that she didn't tell me about it. And then when I discovered it, she hid what the purchase was.
She is telling me that we have a trust issue in our marriage. This does nothing to build trust. It is damaging it even further.
WOW.. your wife is super lucky!! My .02, go tell her that she is beautiful and didn't need to spend $550 on whatever she had done. Run your fingers through her hair (she loves that, right?), h3ll, I'd love THAT!. Tell her that you made a mistake and made a purchase that you agreed that you were going to discuss BEFORE. That this is one of the changes you were working on and failed. That you recognize it and are still a work in progress. Ask for forgiveness and ask that she be willing to have the same discussion before she makes a large purchase too. Then say, this is a trust building lesson for both.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
That is exactly what she had done!! Enjoy your ride!! I need to get off this stupid computer too...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Hi PF, seeing about the $550 charge for the cosmetic procedure, you probably don't want to pry too much into what she is doing. Part of giving her space is not prying or asking questions about such things.
BTW, I have an individual credit card that I obtained a few years ago to have the benefit of 40,000 airline miles. My wife never sees this card, and I use this card for any purchases that I don't want her to know about such as the DB coaching.
W told me two days ago that she asked a friend (who works for a dermatologist) how much Botox cost. It absolutely amazes me that she thinks she needs it. Our W are close to the same age. What gives? I am getting some gray in my hair. W said "you can't get gray. That means that I am getting older too and gray is just right around the corner for me". Really?
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I respect your financial arrangement. I know a lot of couples who keep separate accounts for each other. Some of them have separate allowances to spend each month. I know some guys who have credit cards that they keep for their own personal use.
My wife and I have never done any of that. We elected from the start to keep all of out income in one account. All our cards have been joint accounts with the exception of a few that both of us are authorized users on.
I personally have always felt that the transparency that this provided was a safeguard against the loss of trust in one another. It was a way of show each other that we each were open book and had nothing to hide.
I am greatly disappointed that my wife would do something like this. It causes me to wonder whether or not she indeed can be trusted. She has repeatedly covered things up from me ever since I asked her to stop spending time alone with one of her male friends. Once I did that, she went underground.
It takes a long time to build trust, and just one act to destroy it. Not feeling too good about our prospects today.
I am greatly disappointed that my wife would do something like this. It causes me to wonder whether or not she indeed can be trusted. She has repeatedly covered things up from me ever since I asked her to stop spending time alone with one of her male friends. Once I did that, she went underground.
It takes a long time to build trust, and just one act to destroy it. Not feeling too good about our prospects today.
PA, I think yours and my situation are still young by some of the standards I see on this board. This is a small step backwards. Keep up the DB-ing, looking for those small positive improvements. I get down too with some of the sh!t my W does, but then I take the big picture and say to myself in the past 3 months there has been great improvement. If the next 3 months leads to continuing improvement we might be somewhere. According to your signature tag, this started in 10/2012, you were in different rooms and now the same room again. Thats a big step.
