AS, long ago I read your sitch and we are similar. It still makes me ill to read your last sentence. I sooo do not want to S but it is not my choice to make.
I know what you're saying, I also absolutely dreaded S. But it's been very therapeutic for both of us. I never could have detached while W was at home. There are probably times when you think you've detached, but with physical separation it's a lot easier to fully detach and then once you experience "real" detachment you realize you never did have that before. I don't know if it'll lead to reconciliation or not, but I feel like it's a much better shot then if we had stayed under one roof (even though it's been a PITA financially).