Tallula--I just finished reading your whole thread. Good grief, what a story. I am a step ahead of you, already in the divorce laywer stage...it isn't going to be pretty either. Found out that H went to meet the EA lady halfway across the country. Not sure what happened there. Not sure the PA lady knows or not. What a mess. Two women. He is trying to get the kids for a lot of physical custody,,,most likely to avoid paying child support acc. to the lawyer. Get a VERY good lawyer. They told me 2 months ago that the H always say they are going to be generous and fair and put the kids first in the beginning, but then they change. They were so right. Also PLEASE keep telling people. It is so important to have the support of many. It has been the best thing I have done, tell my friends and family. People love to be helpful, people want to supportive. It will make you stronger...because when your life seems to be feeling "normal"
their anger and dismay at your situation will keep you MAD. and that is a source of strength. I swing between feeling pity for him, for feeling sorry for him and kind. It's NOT GOOD for me or my kids, once you get to this point, where there is no hope for the marriage, you are no longer "friends". Divorce is a business transaction, keep it that way and keep your emotions out of it.

Thanks for checking in. I am good. Less shocked, more stable, and strong, resilient. Not crying, not curled up in fetal position, not slashing anyone's tires. Just living my life and looking forward towards a bright future. beginning to see already that H has done me a HUGE FAVOR by leaving. He was holding me back from the good stuff in life. It still [censored] here and will get worse before it gets better...but the future is going to be great. The waves may be knocking me down right now but the tide will go out and I will still be standing tall. He will still be being tossed around by the waves of dysfunction, lies, and lack of integrity in his life...while my boys and I are building sandcastles on the shore. Better be careful or else I will begin to feel sorry for him again...not a good place to be for me! Detached anger is much much better.

THANK YOU for checking in. You are an inspiration. If you lived here we'd be going for coffee right now. For sure.