Divorced-not done-But wondering ?

[whitneypinch]

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up when I read your post.

This past weekend I spent it reading everything I could and I too came across the same articles/stories you did.
I wrote a huge letter to my EX about all that I was sorry for, what I had worked on and included all those articles/stories.
Of course I never sent it.

Over the last 2 months my XW and I have said very complimentary words to each other, hugged for the first time in 5 years, spoke how great of a job we are doing with our kids, both said we were sorry etc....... all the things I have longed for since our split...... except that a month ago she announced to our kids and I she is in a serious relationship. My kids are crushed and having real trouble.

I am sitting here jumping out of my skin as there is NOTHING I can do to facilitate working on our situation. I, like you, have found sooooooo many examples on how and why to fix our relationship, the low odds of new relationships working out, the research and first hand experience of the damage to our kids, etc. ext. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT..... my XW sees things in a completely different light.
She thinks the way our situation is, is great, and she wishes me to move onto another partner.

So there you have it...... I have worked SOOOOO hard to get to this state. I have reached every one of my goals, I have had some nice baby steps from my XW.... and it does not effect ANYTHING.

I am so frustrated right now as well.

So to answer your question... that letter is not going to mean a damn thing to your XW other than probably make her mad.

In the example of the story on Marry, Divorce, Reconcile the woman was the one that went back to her husband to reconcile. She was also the one that had the affair and initiated the divorce.
You and I are the LBS. Nothing will change unless its initiated by our WAW.

I feel for you my friend.... Its soooooo hard to see the possibility and not be able to effect change in our X spouse. We just want them to see what we see, thinking that will be the catalyst to change. It won't