After phone coaching session #2

[adinva]

OK, here's some encouragement for you. If plate-throwing is where you would have been a year ago, it wasn't the worst dinner ever, because you didn't throw any plates at least. You did awesome. You smiled and kept a PMA through some triggers, great job!!!

Now. You should know that in your sitch H is going to act rude sometimes and text ow or op or people in general and you should NOT try to guess who or get offended, just BE. If his D15 is offended that's between D15 and him.

I'm going through the same thing with my S15 and my H, and S15 is really distancing himself from his dad. I have been encouraged by my friends here to stop trying to manage that. Be as positive as you can to your D15 to try to let her develop a real and unique relationship with her dad that is as positive as possible. Don't get in the way of it. But it's not yours to create. Also, some of the way a 15yo acts is just 15yo stuff, not necessarily abandonment stuff, not always. You just do the best you can to model detachment, grace, and love, and it sounds like you did just that. Great!

If your H put the phone away, I agree he was doing what is reasonable. You can't control who sends him texts or when, and you can't control how he responds to them. But it sounds like he was attempting to be aware of his manners at dinner. Heck, my H used to get his phone out and text people when we were trying to be out on a date together, in our pre-bomb not-doing-so-well days. It was so offensive to me. I would have been overjoyed if he put his phone away so we could eat for 30 minutes. But I digress....

This was for D18, right, and she had fun, and you survived and DB'd like a pro. Great success.

I think perhaps the reason you don't feel it was a success was because you had some expectations that weren't met. You expected him to act more warm and connected, you expected no one would text him bc he ended things with ow?, you expected D15 and him to talk and smile a lot.... But I say it was a success because the only part of it that YOU control, went great.

Keep your head up, and have a great day, you rock!