Stuck..how do I get out???

[mizjjd]

MLCers typically don't follow through and take any logical steps what so ever. It is part of the syndrome so again, your experience is very typical.

This is a big part of why detachment is so strongly urged. At least one of the couple needs to be based in reality.

But there are several steps between "as is" and complete "upside down". Begin with dimming. That means limiting contact with H. I totally get the news-about-the-kids thing BUT work around it. Can the kids call you directly? If they're in school, would the school itself be calling you? If you must answer your H's call, be brief and cheerful. As soon as you know the call is not kids related say "ok! Awful busy today, have to run!"

But most importantly, imho, you need to approach your H CALMLY and set some boundaries.

Remembering that boundaries are simply for your protection and benefit NOT to punish or spite the MLCer.

And know too, the boundaries are hard on both of you. Its kind of like telling your child "NO". They need to hear it, but then the child whines, tantrums etc. Your H may do these things too.

It seems you are still engaging the MLC virus/alien. NOT A GOOD IDEA. You need to get to a place of calm.

You being calm will help your children too.

What are your 180's? What are you doing to GAL? Focus on YOU and your kids, make H just a part of the background.