Let me explain to those that don't know about military leave. We earn 2.5 days per month. If I was to use all 13 days, I would only have 17 days available for over Christmas/New Years. That is the rationale to my plan.
Let me explain to those that don't know about military leave. We earn 2.5 days per month. If I was to use all 13 days, I would only have 17 days available for over Christmas/New Years. That is the rationale to my plan.
I understand about Military leave....
I know how it works...
What I am asking you...
Is....
How is this different than in the past ???
How does this play into your epiphany you had, staring out the window ???
How is this any different, than what you said that YOU wanted to change ??
I get what you're saying, M1. This is really difficult for me because I'm ready to make those changes, yet over the phone isn't the way to do it.
I'm limited on time off and funds to take trips to see them. I'm still paying for their support, my few expenses here and also working on the debts. It's not easy. My trips only cost a total of $50 so it's not like I'm having a spree down here while they're up there.
Good news tonight is that their internet is working again. Just spoke with S and he's excited to tell me about his new toy. I told him to have his dinner, then call me when he's done. We're hopefully going to skype so he can SHOW me his new toy.
This I think is a good baby step to work on talking with family again and maybe W will eventually want to join in conversation.
17 days at Christmas sounds wonderful, however, one long visit doesn't really give you the ability to build relationships.
My long distance, we never went longer than 6 weeks without a visit, even if it was only a weekend. And if you read the research and recommendations, its is advised to go no longer than that.
If time together is that important, finances can be adjusted to accommodate that. Trust me, I've lived it.
So maybe we should start getting real about how committed to this you really are...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I'm still listening. Cat04, I'm scheduled to go fly to Germany (free) and take an exam. Since I'll be halfway to W's place, I'm trying to plan the trip around her request to help her move to the smaller flat. This is the soonest I can go.
I understand the dialogue about commitment, but if I visited more often, I'll be spending on avg $300-400 for a round trip ticket each time. My budget isn't built for frequent trips. Yes, I can rearrange the finances for this, but our ability to become debt-free will be greatly set back by a year or two. I'm already providing W $1650/mo. for food/rent/expenses.
I understand what you are saying and I am glad that you are making plans to go in May.
However, I wonder if being debt free is going to seem as important if you are divorced...
It is about priorities and making your wife feel like she is a priority to you. You are looking at the long term picture and she is looking at the now. Does that make sense to you at all?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
RS - Debt free is the excuse now? Come on man. A few days ago it was leave time. You either want this to work or you don't. If you do (and I really believe you do) she has to be the #1 priority and to hell with the rest. I think you need to pursue her which is unique on these boards but might fit your sitch.
Look, there are a million excuses of why not to do something, especially something as hard as making changes in ourselves and standing for a broken M. There may only be a few reasons to fight for it. In my opinion, family, love, loyalty, raising my W up, and making changes in myself heavily outweigh the excuses to do more of the same.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I agree and disagree with Spartan in regards to the pursuit. I am not sure that I even like thinking about it as pursuit...
I like the Skype idea. I like the more frequent texts to just see how they are doing. I like the idea of you changing your actions to trying to be more involved (and I know it isn't easy being so far apart). I also like that you are going to visit in May, even if you aren't sure what it will be like.
Just because you are not physically there at the moment, I guess what I have been trying to stress is to be as present as possible while you are apart. Seeing that change, could make her begin to see that things can be different, which has the potential for her to think things will be different when you are actually there full time as well.
It is scary. You don't know what the future holds if you make these changes. Although you have a pretty good idea what it holds if you don't. Fear is a huge stumbling block for many of us.
Anyway, just my musings...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
You're all right. I've been thinking for a while on this and went to see IC yesterday (even though I was dreading seeing a new one and having to re-tell my story). She said to let it go about the 3-day weekend and chock it up as a "I screwed-up" and move on and think about what could I do next. Well, my D's B-day(turning 3)is next Wed and I was thinking it would be cool to show up as a surprise. Although I remember W talking about delaying her party until I show 1st week of May.
Currently, I haven't been able to talk to W so I have no way of making these plans at the moment because I don't know what her schedule is. I called last night and there was no answer. It's frustrating and S and I still haven't been able to skype for the 1st time yet. This is why I'm believing now that going up there asap (as everyone has pointed out) is perhaps a good idea. I'm getting nowhere at this moment with phone conversations or texts. If W was serious about having D's B-day later, then I can be there for the party and help W with moving. But she mentioned that the move was in the timespan of the 1st 2 weeks of May. I need to know. Arrggh!
OK, done venting.
Thanks for thinking about my sitch everyone. I appreciate it.
Spartan, yes being debt-free will benefit us M'd or Div'd. Although at this point I've thought about it and at least I have 3/4 of an emergency fund saved vs. none. So I've moved the last allocation to the fund (which will complete it 15 Apr), so that it can support a last minute plane ticket. You are right about lifting W up. I need to pursue that. As I've said above, I need to know her B-day and moving plans. I don't know how she expects help from me by keeping me in the dark. Sigh!
cat04, yup! I do need to live in the now.
So all, how many days max should I stay on visits? A max of 5? I was thinking I could pull off a surprise visit for D's B-day for 5 days then come back for the move for another 5 perhaps. I'm just thinking out loud here.
