Worst dinner ever. So awkward. D18 had fun with a couple of her friends that were there, but H & D15 hardly spoke at all. And I tried to engage him & kids in conversation, but it was full on awkward.
THEN half way through the meal the text messages started. From OW. Yes, D15 and I were sitting on either side of H and could easily see the incoming messenges as his phone was sitting on the table. Just couldn't read the text. He started to hide his phone after the first missed call and messages. I thought he was done with her (well according to my reading his online posts, they had ended things).
Now we have this day trip planned for this weekend and I just want to cancel. Maybe I can get really sick before then and have to stay home.
Things were going so well and I thought we were at least on a friendly path. Tonight it felt like I was being stonewalled. This H tonight was the same asshat that abandoned us last summer. But I still smiled, still laughed, still tried to be natural and normal.
WTF??!!
I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I want to believe that everyone has a bad day. I want to even be understanding to the tumultuous feelings H may be experiencing, and the draw of what's easy instead of the marriage that would take a lot of work to repair.
Sure that may be mindreading, but if I take the evening at face value - H sat there in our group and didn't speak. Didn't smile. Didn't participate. Texted OW. Add on to that the registered mail slip from before dinner, maybe my call offended him? or maybe there are really D papers in the mail waiting for me tomorrow...
I'm just hurt. Even my hurt is progress I guess, a year ago I would have been plate-throwing pissed off.
