[in_it]

Oh my! I don't even know where to start? I'm positive I will ramble & I aplogogize now for it. Please bear with me.

I'll just jump right in…I'm pregnant. Yep, you read that correctly. I was feeling bad this morning & my stomach hurt. I wasn't due to start until Friday, so I thought the cramping was strange & was worried I was having appendicitis. Went to the dr as soon as I could get in. Doc gives me a test & I ask why, I'm on the pill? In which he reminded me is not 100%. I get the news a break down sobbing.

Went to my car & called my boss & told her I wasn't coming back to work today & began the dreaded drive home. (H works from home)

Walked in the door & he asked what is wrong. I just stood there for what fealt like at least 5 minutes when in actuality it was only 5 seconds & finally blurted out "I'm pregnant". H just stared at me.

When he finally spoke all he could say is that this was my ploy to keep him here & I planned the whole entire thing. I was crushed. He really does think this! He said he will have nothing to do with this baby & wants our daughters to live with him & didn't say another word. I left & went to the gym to get away. I ran for 1.5 hours. Lord, help my legs tomorrow. I typically only go for about 45 minutes.

Fast forward from when I pick Ds up from school & daycare. I get them ready for gymnastics & we head out. While they were practicing I texted H. Why? I have no idea. I'm an idiot. I told him I was sorry & that this is the last thing we need in our situation. I told him it hurts me to think that he actually believes I planned this. I asked him to please consider my feelings while we to through this & I understand he needs/wants time & space right now & that I'd be waiting for him when he was ready to talk. His reply? For me to have fun raising 3 kids on my own. That he would having nothing to do with this baby, but his girls will be in his life forever.
He will support the baby with child support because by law he will have to.

I know I should've left it at that, but replied one more time with an I'm sorry & I didn't believe he actually meant everything he said. I told him I never wanted our girls, or now this, to be the reason for him choosing me & that it would have to be something he wants. But I think him coming to this conclusion so fast after hearing about the pregnancy was crazy. He told me to go f myself.

Got home fed the girls. Got them bathed & homework finished. Put them in bed. Not one word from H the entire time. I told him they were ready for him to tuck them in & he went to hug them goodnight. Walked straight to our bedroom & slammed the door. This was an hour ago & I haven't seen him since.

If he was so done, why is he still here? I'm not going to ask him to leave. I think I can handle the silent treatment for a while, but why doesn't he leave if he's so disgusted & ticked off & finished?

What a day.