WAW is having affair, anyone with some advice?

[sandi2]

Did Chuck agree with confronting her with the options?

[kenva]

Yes. And I was scared to at first but got the nerve up to tell her. She has always said that we need to talk and its been 3 weeks.

[sandi2]

will you be able to stick to your guns if she says to get lawyers?

[kenva]

I don't want it to go that way and she knows it. But if it does then I think I would be ready.

[AnotherStander]

I did this to shake things up. It has been stagnant for so long.

OK, well normally confrontation isn't recommended because it seems to NEVER go the way the LBS wants (and it doesn't sound like it did for you either). But always follow the advice of your DB coach.

It's been about her for the past year and a half and I have been on edge and scared w what would come out of her mouth.

Detaching and GALing remove the focus from her and put it on you. It removes the fear from the situation. It takes you off of her emotional roller coaster.

I am also planning a weekend trip w our son and not including her. This to show her I can do things w out her and have fun.

Don't do it to show her anything, do it because you want to spend the time having fun with your S. I hope that you do want to take trips with your son and enjoy your time together, remember that your S is hurting in this and he needs as much love and reassurance as you can give him.

[kenva]

So I am making dinner ready to serve it and she brings up having the closing on her refinancing the house in her name. I said, we have a lot to talk about. She is under the impression that I am going to sign the house over to her because about 10 months ago she wanted to decide who would take the house and I told her that the house would be too big for me and our son part time that if she wanted to try and see if she could be approved to refinance it. Well we never discussed it any further. Now she is approved and ready to take the house and she wants us to handle this on our own before we bring in the lawyers to handle the rest. She thinks this should be the first step in dissolving our marriage. WRONG. I am not going to do it and if she pushes it then I will pull my wild card out of her having an affair and committing adultry. She said that she is trying to make this not difficult. I responded that you are but that's ok. She didn't bring it up the rest of the night. I did tell her that s and I are leaving Thur and coming back sun. We are going out of town the two if us for his spring break. Looking forward to it and so is he. Trying to stay positive and work on myself but when she throws that at you it knocks u down.

[kenva]

I picked up No More Mr Nice Guy and half way thru it. I see a lot of myself and am trying to make those changes which I hope will help w the 180. I have done some bur need to do more. Anyone read the book for some insight?

[kenva]

She wants me to sign the deed to our house on Friday. She sais this is the first step so we can sign separation papers by may 1. I told her we still need to talk. She thinks everything we discussed about us and the house a year ago still stands. I told her I have changed for the better for myself the past year and am thinking different. I need to talk to either our attorney or someone else. She asked if I could do it by fri. I said, you have kept me in limbo for over a year I don't know if i will be able to talk to anyone by the end of the week. WOW this is getting scary. I kept my cool but inside its killing me. She did say we can sign something giving me time to find a place. So I tell her, I have to start all over.

[keep_going]

Kenva,

Sorry you are going through this.

Your reply was good.

DO NOT sign anything w/o first talking to a lawyer. Please know what your rights are and protect yourself!

She can wait. If she gets annoyed that is her problem, not yours.

Good luck.

[kenva]

We talked a little more after son went to bed. She told me atleast four times she doesn't love me that there is nothing there. I told her , I know u can stop telling me. It's like kicking me in the groin. I can't change the way you feel only you. I think she had the feeling that I want to contest a divorce and get out if signing her over the house. She said we can do this the easy way or have a judge tell us what to do. She sais she can prove that we haven't been man and wife for the past year by having some witnesses to prove being separated. All I wanted to throw back in here face was that I have proof if you committing adultery. But I didn't. I stayed calm thru out.