Had a scare just now that brought up a lot of bad feelings. Received one of those colored cards saying I had to come sign and pick up registered mail. Well everyone here can imagine where my brain went with that... I was expecting D papers and I freaked out inside. Especially because we are literally leaving in a minute to go meet H for 'family dinner' for d18 bday.
After the tears subsided, I decided I couldn't wait until 9am tomorrow to know what this mail is about. I called H and chatted about meeting us at restaurant, then casually asked 'I got a notice for registered mail today. Have to go pick up tomorrow. Is there anything we need to talk about first?' He said no, he didn't know what it was. Then he kinda chuckled and said 'did you think it was divorce papers?' I said yeah, the thought crossed my mind... then I said 'maybe I won the sweepstakes' and he answered 'if you did, I get half'. haha
So now we have to leave to meet him in person, where I'll pull myself together and show pma and try to have a good time.
I'm proud of myself for asking him directly. I think on the phone was perfect, text was too casual and I couldn't handle it in person. I couldn't wait until tomorrow to pick up the mail, especially with having to see him tonight. And I sounded pretty casual and don't think it came across as manic as I was truly feeling.
But I touched the unforgivable subject of D, something that's never been mentioned between us. He actually said the word D for the first time on the phone.
