Waw and divorce filed. What to do next?

[2thepoint]

Hey PH, sorry you find yourself here but you do have good company so feel free to share as much information about your R so that we can offer our opinions and advice.

What you have described is not uncommon. Many of us were left in much the same way as you. One day things are seemingly ok, the next whamo!

So, you asked about the 180's. These are for you. Figure out what has been a problem in the R and work on those that you can. If your W takes notice, great! But don't pin your hopes on it having any effect on her decision. At least not now.

My W dropped the bomb in September 2011. She was done, done, done! Yet, here I am 17+ months later and well, she hasn't filed and neither have I. A lot has happened in that time but the most important thing I did was give space and time. That is not to say that I won't end up divorced. It is still very likely. But with the passage of time, I can say for certain, that my W's EA/A with the OM fizzled and she is significantly more friendly towards me than she was early on. Even some of the things she accused me of at the time of the bomb have taken on a new meaning for her. All the terrible things she accused me of have been rewritten by her and apparently I'm not such a bad guy afterall.

So, for you right now, the best thing you can do is keep a clear head, read and post here as much as you are able and see if maybe you can slow things down some. Just because your W wants to move swiftly doesn't mean you have to. Take your time, be thoughtful about your decisions. Go get a life for yourself and see where things start to lead.

There are no guarantees here. The odds are not in your favor. But you never know...... The ship is still in the yard.