you know, i ask myself this alllll the time. why in the heck am i (in particular) in this sitch? i see all sorts of great and lousy r around me- great and lousy people, etc.
it's silly i think, but still i find myself thinking now or then - what the heck makes this person sooooo worthy of love and me not?
when you describe your sitch- it's mine allover the place. i "settle" for crumbs- why am i still here? honestly- i don't know. i keep thinking my gut will tell me when it's time to throw in the towel- i may be nuts or lazy or dopey- or all three.
in dbing for a couple years- i've become less miserable and frantic- still, am i complacent and just being a good ole doormat because that is wht i am (and possibly always was) to this guy?
it would seem i find out now- 37 or so years later- it's entirely likely he's been a liar and cheater forever. so- exactly where does that leave me and 37 years of memories and attachment? there alot of happy years- even if it's the last ten yea4s or so i find that he's been straying - wtf???
like you - i think i may be stuck. or unlike you- i don't presume to know the answer for you or me . it just sounded like me a bit reading your last post. i will go read all your thread and see what i think. my h finds EVERYONE in the world not me to be thrilling all of a sudden. for 25 years he worked and came home happy to see me- retired- and the secluded life he'd orchestrated (no kidding) he culled me from the herd- and now this...
anyway- ta da- you reminded me of me. my company is the last he is inte4ested in. sooo- i'm asking you- why do they stay with us? why does he call when he's in the fl house and im in nj (his devise) ? why doesn't he walk out of my life and make it easier on both of us? why am i supposed to be the guy to amputate my own leg with a plastic knife? huh?
any insight? i just stop people when they even begin to tell me what they'd do- they're all nuts and unless they're in my sitch (and none are) i do not want to hear it. i'm nice and pretty mamby pamby- but i manage to stop them. i can't deal with the judgement & advice anymore.
i feel like you i'm stuck and stranded and why don't i move on either- do you think there's an answer to that other than we're just not ready? no matter how many years?
i wonder all the time- sometimes i hate myself for my indecision. sometimes i love that i'm such a strong fighter for something (that used to be the most important thing in my life and source of happiness) blah blah blah-
i hope you find happiness in the end- me too- any wisdom to another person who is saying, thinking and feeling the same darn things and has a spouse tht sounds a heck of alot like yours?
