Bring It On 2013

[BeingMe]

You are both right. H has always been nice, but distant. We are moving into the financial stage, and he's still nice, being ultra-generous, even gave me access to the business accounts. Something he seemed to not want to do in the past.

When we first got married, H told me that he would agree with his mother, then do what he wanted. So, I'm wondering if that's what's going on here. He's being pleasant to my face, but doing his own thing. Which would be okay, if he would not ask me out. I'm always tempted because I'm lonely, and dammit, he knows it. I don't have many friends here ... certainly not enough to be out and about on weekends. Now, my classes are winding down, I find I have much more free time on my hands, thus more time to think.

Here's a new issue that I never thought I would even entertain. H and I went to speak to the CA (the one doing our late taxes). We want to make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen again. We want the CA do all the accounting within limited boundaries. Anyway, he told us that being separated and my getting a salary from the business is better because it would pay into the Canadian pension, plus the medical, whereas, alimonies don't (Oh, just realized why I have access to business now ... I think I will be the secretary earning that salary ... he's already given me some instructions ... way to gain control again ... WTF, he's good). I wouldn't get any benefit being divorced. So, here I am, wondering whether a divorce is in my best interest. H doesn't seem to care one way or the other. In fact, it might be better for him if he was divorced, since he gets tax benefits from paying me alimony. CA also talked about getting wills once the properties are split ownership (rather than spousal ownership, or whatever the legal term is). I will definitely be leaving my estate (such as it is) to my kids.

This is probably why I'm feeling sick and depressed/stressed. I told him, okay, we can remain S, for now, but we must revisit this issue in a year's time when I graduate (although, I'm giving it a lot of thought right now, and will consult my lawyer to find out what she thinks is best).

He should stay at his rental apt. and come "home" once a month. It worked for me when he did this before. I felt much better.