Sorry I haven't been by much this week. But you know my story.
You are sounding great! I'm happy to hear that you are hanging in there and that you are seeing some positives from your W.
You deserve it.
I'll be back when I get more time. Meanwhile, keep up with that patience stuff. Maybe you were right back in the beginning...perhaps you really will "wear her down".
Take care!
P.S. I can't get into the J.W. movies either, but I'm trying.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
JS - I remember counting the days after my H started Prozac, waiting for it to kick in It seemed like it took forever, but actually the improvement was pretty dramatic within 3 weeks or so. Hang in there
Counting the days..Hmmm probably a good idea. It will give me something to do when she doesn't seem to want to do anything.
I just hope it helps her get some of her enthusiasm back. I think I ask her almost everyday to do something or go somewhere and it's always, "No, but you go ahead."
I still haven't cracked that nut. Unless it has something to do with the kids, she doesn't want to go anywhere with me.
What does she like to do? Is she into home shows or other interests? Maybe if something like that comes up, you can ask her if she'd like to go somewhere that would really interest her, even though you weren't really into it. It would show that you're interested in things she likes.
I think you're on the right track but it will take time. Just continue to be there for her. I know it's tough but it will have its rewards eventually.
I feel like I've tried that and usually just get an "I dunno" type of response. The only thing I've found that she will sometimes do with me is shop. Which kind of makes me feel used.
Not that I mind getting stuff we need, but it's a hobby with her. She'll go shopping with me, but if I suggest something else it's usually a no-go.
Just yesterday, we went to the mall to look for a bedspread and some other stuff and had a chance to talk about this very topic. She told me that she felt like we didn't have anything in common except the kids. I told her that I felt she didn't even give me a chance. I've offered to do a lot of different stuff and she refuses. Even simple things like going to a movie. I'll ask her and she says no. Then a friend calls and she'll go see the same movie she just told me she didn't want to see.
Then she told me that, for her, it's not so much the movie, or what she is doing, it's who she is doing it with and she doesn't want to do anything with me. OK, so now I feel about this big....
I tried to stay upbeat, but the truth is that I'm really getting tired of the cold shoulder routine. I'm really at a loss as to what to do about it. I asked her again, if she doesn't want to do anything with me, why did she come back home? Why doesn't she want to get a divorce? As usual...she said she doesn't know.
OK, this is kind of weird. W just called me at work. Not unheard of, but it doesn't happen a lot either. She says she called to let me know that she had gotten rid of her cell phone...???? Huh? I asked why and she said because I had issues with it.
What issues? I told her a couple of weeks ago that I still felt she was hiding things from me. She said, "Like what?" I just told her that she goes out and I don't hear from her yet she never seems to have a problem calling on her cell phone when she needs something. And , if we go somewhere together she always says she forgot her phone, or hides it (I think she turns it off so I don't know who calls her or how often). Also, a lot of times I call her and she never answers and then claims she never gets the message.
This conversation was a couple of weeks ago, now suddenly she decides she needs to get rid of her phone?
She also said she didn't go into work this morning because she was sick? I left early today so she wasn't up yet. Now I'm wondering what she did this morning, or what happened to make her decide to get rid of that phone all of a sudden?
I know, maybe just a little paranoid. I'll probably never know and it probably isn't that big a deal anyway but just another unexplained occurance. She did say that if we wanted to get a shared plan we could do that. Again, not sure where that came from either.
Jstx, That is weird. Maybe she is reaching out? Sometimes they do crazy things, who knows.
If the only thing she will do with you is go shopping, then make shopping as fun as you possibly can. Be the best shopping buddy in the world. Make her laugh, be happy, act like there is nothing in the world you'd rather do. It's a place to start atleast.
MMH...Am I going crazy or are people changing there names??? If so, how??? I'm so confused
The phone thing still bothers me. She said it cost her $100 to get out of her plan early. This is the same woman who always told me she couldn't talk long on her phone because it wastes her minutes. Of course, that rule didn't apply to her friends when they called.
I rarely call her on her cell. I figure she usually wouldn't answer me. Now all of a sudden she wants to get a shared plan. Of course she wants to include our D at school, so that may explain it.
Last night she talked about the cell phone, talked about getting a new couch (a topic we've discussed before) and talked about getting the dog some professional training. That's new, I had suggested it a long time ago, but she was against putting in the effort, always said the dog was fine.
For you long time readers, you might remember her dog. I watched the little b**ch most of the time we were seperated. It's a pushy dog and usually manages to get it's way. I seriously considered releasing it into the wild, but we managed to reach an understanding where she stayed off of me and the furniture and I let her live. But whenever W is around, the rules go out the window and the dog knows it. I'm not allowed to discipline the dog when W is around. Now she thinks the dog needs to be trained. A small victory.
Her sister called last night and they talked for more than an hour. Not sure the topic, but she asked if I'd mind her sister moving out near us when we move this summer? Her sister is several years older than W and raised W when her Mom got sick. I'm not sure what prompted that conversation, but I figured I'd just say as little as possible and see how it plays out. I'm not even sure W is going to move w/me this summer so I figure it's too early to worry about what her sister might do.
Life at home is strange. For the most part, it almost seems normal as long as I stay within my boundaries: which include just light chitchat, no serious conversations, definitely no touching...or at least not much, and at the end of the day, she goes into the spare bedroom and shuts the door.
When the OW called my H on his cell phone after we had started getting back together, he took out the battery and broke the phone! He just didn't want her to call him or for him to be tempted by her. He was still pretty confused at that time, but that was a real turning point.
I suspect your wife getting rid of the phone is either: A) - an attempt to rid herself of phone calls from OM or other undesirable influences
B) - a peace offering to you in an attempt to become more trustworthy.
Sharing a plan with you means you will see the bills and the phone logs - so that's a big step for her to take Act happy about it, take her out to get a new plan with a fun new phone, send her cute text messages on it!
It seemed like it took forever, but actually the improvement was pretty dramatic within 3 weeks or so. Hang in there 
the roller coaster is twisting 
He just didn't want her to call him or for him to be tempted by her. He was still pretty confused at that time, but that was a real turning point.